I am sure this is all old stuff and I feel like a dope asking for advice about this but there are thousands of threads to comb through so I hope you all can direct me to those post or just offer advice outright. I've been living a straight man's life for years. I dated and slept with some girls, I love cars and sports, movies and all the rest, which in and of itself isn't an issue or problem because it's who I am. Except I like guys and girls. So I at this point in my life where I've never had any romantic or sexual experience with guys. This is where I need help. I don't know hot to flirt with guys, how to come onto guys. I confessed my love for a friend of mine not long ago, but I kept it so cerebral (I am philosophy major in college) that it never went anywhere. I didn't "reach out" literally and figuratively so nothing happened and he moved away. I don't know what I am doing, and am scared. :help: There is one man who wants me bad. He came on strong at first and I didn't know what to do so I pushed him away. Over time, I saw how sensitive to my feelings and who I am so I let him in, but I am still weary about letting him in. My real problem is that I don't know how to handle things with him. If I invite him over to my place for dinner, how do I deal with watching a movie with him? Something simple. I don't know. How do I approach a man? How do I attract a man? Any advice would be really appreciated.
I'm having the same problems as I'm just coming out. I have no problem attracting men, but not sure how to deal with them.
Plgrm43, I am a philosophy major as well, but I have a heavy minor in psychology. These words may seem like common sense, but relationally speaking they are the most important words you will ever read or listen too: "Be your self!" If you ever have to do something different, something special to keep a person in your life, then the relationship is not based in the truth of who you are and will not be easily sustained. Perduring relationships are based on four factors: 1) Familiarity, 2) Similarity, 3) Reciprocity, and 4) Reenforcement. If you do something just to make a person like you, they are not becoming familiar with you, similarities cannot be identified easily or truthfully, false actions may be reciprocated further grounding the relationship in an untruth. Again, just BE YOUR SELF! Oh, and by the way, except for the fact that people will look at you funny in public, male to male relationships are not more complex than male to female. In fact I find them to be easier (interpersonally speaking) guys are far easier to read. The first step of wisdom is to admit we know nothing, Jase
brasilboy1 has it right just be yourself. I am starting to date myself. At first I thought it was little awkward but now its not bad at all. Find out what you have in common, talk about it and go from there. Anyway when you are starting to date someone you don't want to have too heavy of a conversation. Just stick to basic stuff and go from there. If you click you won't run out of conversation.
I may be being stupid, but aren't the important things who he is and how you feel about him, rather than the fact that he is male? So couply things are largely the same (at least in my limited experience!) and mainly based on doing what feels right. And I've always found flirting with men easier than flirting with women, because I know what attracts me, and assume unless proven otherwise that it will work for other guys!
Just be you. There isn't really a difference, If you are the romantic type, be the romantic type. I think you need to become more comfortable with the fact that you like men first. As in "Ok with it to the point where thinking of a man in a similar way to a woman isn't unnatural." If it's: I like the way she fits those jeans. It can also be: I like the way he fits those jeans. The coolest thing I like about being BI is that Most everyone is fun to look at. Physical attraction is where I started because it's primal enough to be a solid foundation. And in all honesty it's one of the big differences between the sexes (she has tits, I don't LOL). Once looking became OK, I started to go back to my old methods of looking for a mate, ONLY THIS TIME, Both sexes were fair game.(so long as he's into guys) I tend to be a sucker for intellect, that and a sick sense of humor. In looking for a mate in both sexes, Those things still apply. If you like both, Let Gender fall to the wayside (keep in mind that person's orientation), and let yourself experience this part of yourself. It really is a wonderful feeling to let go of the shame and remorse over being attracted to the same sex. I wanted to sing and dance for like four days, and I AM NOT FLAMBOYANT. I fish and hike and do martial arts and most people didn't know I liked men until I told them. The cool part is that I get to be the same person I was with less limitations. Adjusting to this new part of who you are is a big thing, so just take a deep, deep, breathe and give yourself a break from relationships. Tell him that you just need some time to adjust to your feelings and that this is all new for you. That's the truth and if he couldn't respect that, I wouldn't want to pursue the relationship. Being comfortable with who I am is extremely important to me. When I first logged on, I started to blow up peoples walls and mailboxes for advice and I started to try to become a part of this community. I have only ever seen one post go unanswered and to tell you the truth, I don't blame them.... I was being a total asshole. LOL. EC RULES. PS Join a support group. *chuckles* (making fun of myself, I used to say that A LOT)
how do you even meet guys though, ive got a decent "gaydar" lol but i would still be terrified to go up to a mate in uni and chat him up!
Relationships within' the confines of the closet can be a little tricky, especially if your prospective date registers on the "gaydar". Sadly spending an unusual amount of attention on them puts you in another person's "gaydar". Therefore, you run the risk of being unwillingly outed. My recommendations are the same for yourself, get comfortable with who you are to the point that being outed doesn't bother you, or you could try to get that person in private and ask if they are and get to know them in places out of the public eye, I.E: Movies, off the beaten path restaurants, dining at home, and things like that. Spending time in the forums and asking people questions goes a long way towards understanding what you feel, and what's going on in your head. I've spent a lot of time on here looking for the magic post that would make everything easy but the easiest way to live happily, is to be honest with yoursel f about who you are and accepting who and what you are today. Try to live one day at a time. Yesterday is over and tomorrow is completely out of our control so like I said, take a deep breathe, work on yourself, and everything kind of falls into place. Later HOLY HELL THIS IS MY 100TH POST!!!
