Hi, I've been struggling to meet other gay guys to simply go on dates or be friends… basically go with the flow.. I've only used online dating apps/websites so far and I've had a terrible experience with them. Guys either ignore me or end disappearing on me before our first meet up. Unfortunately it seems that most gay dating apps are oriented towards hookups: Jackd, Grind.r, etc., so I've pretty much given up on these apps. I don't know where to look. I am 25 years old and I am not out and I have only been on only one date in my lifetime with a cowardly guy who ended up disappearing on me after our first date. I have been interested in going to gay bars nearby however I've never been to one before. I feel like most guys there simply want a one-night stand and don't know what to expect. I know not being out of the closet greatly limits my ability to meet other gay guys however I am sure there must be other ways to simply go on dates or make friends, especially since I live near Los Angeles. I knew this one gay guy who was in the closet and he was very successful with finding dates, friends, and boyfriends through Grind.r which is simply hard to comprehend. Am I missing something? I have a two questions: 1) Is it possible to find dates/friends or guys willing to go with the flow at bars? 2) Has anyone been successful with finding dates/friends on online dating apps? This one is especially difficult for me since every guy has disappeared on me before our first meetup. Any other ideas besides online dating and bars would be great. Thanks in advance.
I am closeted myself, only out to my grade school friends since they're all girls and a few online friends. 1. I've never been in a bar before so I can't really tell. 2. I started online dating/chats when I was 16 but since I'm under 18, I decided to stop it. I just got back to online dating recently. And so far dated two guys through it (Numbers don't matter. It's your relationship that counts). The first one vanished without a trace after our second date. It broke me but yeah life goes on. I'm currently dating a guy now. I'm no expert, but for me patience and effort is everything. How about joining some local LGBT organizations? In my case, I'm into online reality games, which is a great way of meeting other people while having fun.
Yeah, you want to search out the gay support organizations in your area and try to meet some of the more real people you will find there. Make some friends, and have them introduce you to their friends. This is called "networking", as you probably know. The more people you know, the more people you will come in contact with as your network expands. Hookup sites oriented towards finding someone for relationships might work out for you, but as you have found out, many people think of them as a way to look around under their control and just vanish if they don't find exactly what they like, and hide behind the anonymity of that media system.
Thank you for your advices, making friends through organizations, clubs, and networking should help increase my LGBT connections and meeting new people who I can potentially date.
1) I have had remarkably good luck meeting friends, dates and actually my partner of 17 years all in gay bars. I actually have several friends that I've known for over 20 years that I met literally the first time I went to a gay bar. I'm not saying that's typical but it can definitely be done. I have tried the other stuff too--charity groups, political groups, book groups, all the more "respectable" ways of meeting other gay guys. They were all great, but I have to say when the chips were really down the most solid friends I've made have been "bar friends". I don't know, there's a special bond with the people you go dancing with.:lol: 2) I've never tried any of the apps or sites. Never quite understood the appeal as I never had trouble meeting guys in person.
