I haven't told anyone because I'm scared and confused. I'm a 24 year old female, engaged to a man, and have a child. It all began when I got a new job and I started to notice that a 'girl crush' I had on my boss has actually been a real crush. I have done many people things with girls 'mostly when drunk' but I decided I was straight when I performed oral on a girl and didn't enjoy it at all. I haven't questioned my sexuality since the ...until now. For a little back story, I developed a crush on my best friend from 8th grade and when she announced she was bi and told me what it meant, I thought I was bi too. Her and I dated for two years before I lost interest and moved on to dating men. When I tried to come out to my mom, she laughed in my face and told me I wasn't, that it was a phase. I fooled around with another girl and my mom found my diary and banned me from seeing her or ever having her over. After those incidents I stopped being interested in girls and only experimented with guys. The only other times I fooled around with the same sex was when I got drunk. After the oral incident happened in my second year of college, I was sure that I was straight and had just wanted to try something different. Now I'm starting to realize that I've been interested in women along with men this whole time. Now here's the weird part: I'm extremely selective on who I develops feelings for. The last girl that I actually crushed on was in 8th grade. Now I'm 24 years old and those feelings are rushing back. At first I just joked around about because I thought it was a simple girl crush, nothing serious enough, I just thought she was pretty. But then she announced that she was moving away to another state and all these emotions came up. Sadness, jealously, anger. Keep in mind I've only know. Her a few months and have NO real emotional relationship with her. That's when I started to dawn on me. I actually REALLY liked this girl. I was emotionally and physically attracted to her. At first I tried to deny the whole thing. I told myself that I had tried being sexual with a girl before and I didn't like it, so I couldn't be bi. But the more I thought of it, the more I became sexually interested in this girl and picturing things happening in my mind. Now I'm confused as hell and feel like I don't know who I am anymore, that my whole self has been a lie. It's as if I was hiding peices of myself away and now they have popped up and it's a whole puzzle that's coming together. I don't understand? How could I have been this way my whole life and just not know about it? Or forget about it? I'm so sorry this is long! This is my first entry and I desperately need someone to talk to. I feel like I'm going to explode! :/
hey there! i'll try my best to give some advice First thing is, I want to ask you: you have made some really big commitments to this guy you are engaged to, how are you feeling about that situation? do you feel like backing out? Do you think you will spend the rest of your life with him? Do you plan on telling him? I think you should definitely bring it up with him when you are ready. If he is ok with it, then you should ask him to be patient while to are figuring yourself out. communication is essential I'm really sorry for what your mother did to you when you tried to come out to her, that wouldn't have been easy and it was wrong when she told you it was just a phase. This part of you should never have been ignored. I can definitely understand what it's like to be bi and suppress the gay side of it. It's just something our brains do because of the world we grew up in. I hope this helps, good luck
I don't have any plans to leave my fiancé. I am very happy with him and our relationship is great. I did mention briefly to him that I had dated girls before and we have talked about my crush on my boss but we always joked around about it. I think he will be okay when I tell him. I just need to find the right time. I don't have any plans to announce my sexuality to anyone else though, because it is personal and there is no point since I am with my fiancé.
