Letter to mohter on coming out. Thoughts

I am thinking about giving this letter to my mohter. I just feel like I can no longer hide. What are your thoughts on the letter. Thanks for any feedback. I've left out names on purpose. They would be in the actual letter.


8/18/2015


Mom,

I want to start off this letter by saying that I am okay and I love you. I've always been proud to call you Mom. I hope by the end of this letter that you can still say you love and accept me and that you're still proud to call me your son. You've always said that my happiness and ability to raise me to be a functioning member of society was your main goal as a mother. I hope that is still true, that you do care about my happiness.

For sometime now I've been depressed, felt ashamed of my self, and have created a barrier to not let anyone in. Not let anyone know a secrete that I've been hiding away for so many years. This secrete, I've tried to pray for it to go away, ignore it, repressed it deep inside of my soul for the better part of 15 years. It's why I've been unhappy for such a long time. I am ready to be happy and accept me for me.

If you've not figured out by the tone of this letter, I am gay. It does not change who I am. I am still me. The son that loves aviation, camping, hunting, and bonfires. The son that always wants to do the right thing. The son that one day dreams of having a family. The son that is still a conservative. The son that you raised to be an honest good person. The son that will still love you no matter how you react to this news. There is nothing different about me than there was yesterday.

I hope that you're not thinking that this is your fault some how because my dad was not around. It's not anyones fault. Not having my dad around was the best decision that you could have ever made. I've done a lot of research and have finally accepted the fact that I was born like this and there was nothing anyone could have done to change me. This is not a choice that I've made. It's who I am. If I could be straight, I would be, not because I am still ashamed of it, but because I know that in life it would be easier.

I would like to give you a little history in to the way that I've felt. Maybe it will help you understand me. For years I thought that this would go away. That if I just dated women that this feeling I had would fade away. When it did not, I felt like I would be better off if I would just die. I tired to make my self unhealthy and just not care about living. I tried to make myself unattractive so I would not have to date, not have to accept me. Well, I finally do accept me, do care about my health, and care about being happy.

I honestly don't know how you're going to react. I know that you love your cousin A and accept T as her partner, but A is not your son. I hope that there is not a change between us. You've always said your only want is for me to be happy, which I am starting to be. So please tell me you still love me and accept me as the same person that you did yesterday. Please don't be disappointed in me. Please don't feel like this is a curse that we have to live with. Just feel that I am your son and be there for me.

I know that Grandfather can never know. He is of a generation that would never accept me. I am okay with that. It's how he was raised. Yes it hurts knowing that I will never be able to share this part of me with him, but we've always kept some things from him to make life easier. It's upsetting when he makes remarks about gays, but it is who he is. That's okay. It's one reason why I want out of here to start life a new. I am not sure if any of my friends like X or Y will ever know. I don't think they would be okay with it. Maybe in time. All that matters to me is that you're okay with it.

I am sorry that I am not telling you all of this in person, but this letter was the best way I could think of to open up to you and let you know. I've never been very good as showing my true feelings or emotions. Realize that this is such a small part of me, hopefully you see that. I hope that you've made it through this without crying. I never wanted to make you cry because of me. Instead please smile that now we're going to hopefully be closer and you know that I am finally getting to a happy place in life. That I've come to terms with me. That I am okay. I love you.

Your son,

M.



M.

 

Thanks for the spelling corrections. Wrote this out on my iPad and must have missed the auto correct. Not good to give this to her with spelling errors when she's an English teacher.