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Am I too old to 'come out' at 26?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by loving the pink, Dec 29, 2008.

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  1. loving the pink

    loving the pink
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    After 12 years of struggling, I have finally admitted to myself, and several friends that Im gay. To avoid suspicion when I was younger I started seeing a guy after I got caught kissing a girl in a gay club by a family friend, and fear of hurting my family literally pushed me into to a relationship with a (very wonderful) man.Now this year, almost 8 years later, I met her, and I realise what a fool I have been and how much time I have wasted. I ended my relationship with my boyfriend (who when I told him I was gay told me he had realised that 5 years ago), moved away, and introduced my girlfriend to a few close friends. Im a lot happier, but now I feel the need to tell my parents, brothers and sisters, just not to be ashamed anymore, but I really feel I have left it too late. I dont think my father would be very understanding and it will ruin my mums dreams for me as the straight, married with 2 kids kinda girl.
    Do I tell them? How do I tell them?
    Any advice welcome :help:
     
    #1 loving the pink, Dec 29, 2008
  2. Jonah 4

    Jonah 4
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    Congrats on coming to terms with yourself. :icon_bigg

    And its never too late - my cousin didn't bring over her girlfriends until her late thirties.

    As far as her dreams go, it might be hard for her but in the end its worth it. My family took it hard at first(well my dad doesn't know yet but mom, aunt) but they have been definitely supporting and would rather readjust their dreams rather than lose someone they love. As a friend told me, "mothers have an amazing resilience to love" Besides if your happy being with a women your not going to fulfill their dreams anyway.

    As far as how to come out...a lot of people here seem to prefer letters or emails. Personally, I came out to my mom by just spending an evening between the two of us. It just sort of came up after a while. Anyway, best of luck. (*hug*)
     
    #2 Jonah 4, Dec 29, 2008
  3. RaRa

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    First of all heres a (*hug*) for you.

    26? Your still young in my book, some don't come out until there 40's!

    Congratulations on coming out to those few friends, I hope they were supportive. And I hope your parents will be as well. I think you should tell them. You don't have to make it dramatic or anything, you can even do it by a letter or e-mail. And you don't live with them, so besides them distancing themselves from you I don't see what you have to lose.

    Good luck. :slight_smile:
     
    #3 RaRa, Dec 29, 2008
  4. Derek the Wolf

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    Glad to hear you've come to terms with it.
    Coming out is always difficult. Something you need to decide here is who's happiness is really important? The reason you seem to delay telling your parents is you don't want to disappoint them. But you are the way you are. You shouldn't lie to them just to satisfy their hopes for you. You have one life, don't let your happiness depend on their unreasonable expectations. It's never too late to come out, and the sooner you're able to do it the happier I think you'll be.
    Good luck hun.
     
    #4 Derek the Wolf, Dec 29, 2008
  5. Gerry

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    You're never too old to "come out". Don't worry about it. Everyone is ready at different stages in life. There's no age limit. :slight_smile:
     
    #5 Gerry, Dec 30, 2008
  6. EM68

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    Tour are never too old to come out. I came to terms with my sexuality a while ago. 2009 I plan to come out to my friends and family.
     
    #6 EM68, Dec 30, 2008
  7. s5m1

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    You are definately not too old. I came out to myself and others at 42 and will soon come out to my family. Like you, I have met someone and am happier than I have ever been.
     
    #7 s5m1, Dec 30, 2008
  8. Paul_UK

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    I came out when I was 26, so it's definitely not too late. Go for it!
     
    #8 Paul_UK, Dec 30, 2008
  9. summersforecast

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    nonsense your not to late to come out at twenty-six and I don't think this could tear your family apart. As for your parents they will just have to deal with it. So as for advice on comming out maybe you could get some books and videos on being gay for them. Unfortunately you'll probably have to endure a long acward talk but you'll live and really don't worry about what your parents want because it's your life not theirs!
    Good luck hope it goes well and welcome to EC!
     
    #9 summersforecast, Dec 30, 2008
  10. BitterEdge

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    no one is ever too old to come out.
     
    #10 BitterEdge, Dec 30, 2008
  11. Lexington

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    You're certainly not too young to come out. :slight_smile: And as many of us out of the closet can attest, life can totally kick ass over on this side.

    Lex
     
    #11 Lexington, Dec 30, 2008
  12. Urman

    Urman Guest

    your never to old to come out just be yourself and when the time come's it will happen.
     
    #12 Urman, Dec 30, 2008
  13. riddlerno1

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    You can never be too old to come out. I came out last year when i was 26 and it was the best thing i ever did.
     
    #13 riddlerno1, Dec 30, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2008
  14. Mirko

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    Hi there and welcome to EC! Glad that you have decided to join! :slight_smile:

    First off congratulations on coming out to yourself! You have already made a few life changing decisions, which will help you to move forward and to continue the coming out process.

    I’m 31 years old and I have only started coming out at the end of March after years of not talking and doing something about it. Two weeks ago I came out to my parents. Are you too old to come out to your family? Never! By not telling them you will be distancing yourself from your parents and family and you might find that it might become too much at some point.

    Coming out to parents or family is one of the hardest things to do, but there are ways to make it easier on you. Before coming out to your parents you could try coming out to your brothers and sisters first. Having that support can help you in getting ready to come out to your parents. For some it is easier to come out in person, for others it is by writing a letter. When you do come out to your family try to tell them what you have been going through and that you have accepted it. Let them know that you are happier. You could even mention that you have found a girlfriend. But it is really up to you as to how much you want to tell them at first.

    For most parents there will be an adjustment period because and as you mentioned parents have dreams for their children. But with time, most parents will come around to it eventually. I hope all goes well for you.
     
    #14 Mirko, Dec 30, 2008
  15. loving the pink

    loving the pink
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    Im honestly very touched you all took time out of your day to lay all the advice on me.

    Im still nervous as hell, but I know its the right thing to do. I guess I just feel like a fraud, but no more!!

    Thank you all, really :-D

    x
     
    #15 loving the pink, Dec 30, 2008
  16. Peter

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    I was 53 when I accepted myself as gay and came out to my wife and my son. It's not easy, but it needs to be done.
     
    #16 Peter, Dec 30, 2008
  17. tm74

    tm74 Guest

    26 is not old. I'm 34 and only started accepting myself this year.
     
    #17 tm74, Dec 30, 2008
  18. Johnny123

    Johnny123 Guest

    I don't think you can be too old or too young to come out; you come out when you can't possibly "stay in" for longer. Hope this helps!
     
    #18 Johnny123, Dec 30, 2008
  19. James2612

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    Hi,
    Well i came out just a few weeks ago, which was 4 weeks before my 26th birthday!!
    It is never too late!!
    The only thing i can suggest is to read this forum, look at the coming out stories and see what you think and see how and when you want to tell people!!

    Good luck!!
    Keep us updated!!
     
    #19 James2612, Dec 30, 2008
  20. Mickey

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    26 too old? Naw!
    Just think of it this way,some people Never come out and live their lives
    in misery. I think the hardest thing is coming to terms with your sexuality.
    Congrats on doing that.
    I agree with what other people have said. Come out when you feel comfortable doing so.
    Many people use the letter approach,some use e-mail,others do it face-to-face.
    I think when you're ready,you'll know how you want to do it.
    Good luck,hope it all goes well for you.
    And...welcome to EC!
     
    #20 Mickey, Dec 30, 2008
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