It is absolutely awkward when someone outs you without asking you for permission first, it is embarrassing and unfair on the people who didn't know I was lesbian... So basically, I was on a camp trip with about 15 other friends, some of them already knew I was lesbian whilst others didn't. I decided to come out to a so called 'friend' (lets call him Bob) as I thought I could trust him and he seemed like a pretty chilled out person. The coming out went well as he seemed to be fine with it and that was that, I also asked Bob to keep it quiet as it is personal information, he said he would and I didn't think anymore of it. Up until now most of my coming outs have been successful, I have come out to my parents about two years ago as well as different friends throughout the last 3 years, all of them were accepting and cool with it and so I naively thought that I could come out to all of my friends and still be OK. How wrong I was... Over the last few years I was convinced I was bisexual and a while ago I dated an 19 year old man (I was 16 at the time) who I was very close with, he was an absolute dream, a real charmer and a nice guy. Unfortunately our relationship didn't last long because I quickly discovered that I was not bisexual but in fact a lesbian. I ended the relationship but we still remained close friends. I never told him that I was a lesbian at the time because I was confused (still believing I was bi) and I felt it might upset him (he is not against homosexuality, it just that he might of felt 'used' which wasn't the case at all). Fast forward to present day, the camp trip (which happened last week for my 18th). So after telling Bob, I was pretty relaxed as I thought I could trust him. One of my friends had invited my ex boyfriend (the 19 year old who is now 21) to the camp trip and I was fine with that (I hadn't seen him in a while and I wanted to catch up with him). So on the second night of the camp trip he came, unfortunately I was a little bit drunk so the night was a bit of a blur (haha opps :lol but that's when shit happened... I woke up the next morning with my ex sleeping beside me (well he was spooning/cuddling me). NO we didn't have sex or any intimate affairs because my best friend was sleeping on the other side of the tent and told me that nothing happened, however what HAD happened according to my friend (lets call her Hannah) was that I had passed out from drinking too much (my mistake for being stupid) and that my ex and hannah helped me to get to a tent, apparently I was shivering and crying in my sleep (for some strange reason) and so my ex and hannah cuddled me. Hannah told me that my ex was telling her that he was still in love with me and wanted to try and get back with me (my ex still didn't know I was lesbian, however Hannah did but had the decency not to tell him). Anyway, later that day when more people were coming to the campsite (it was the last night so the party was bigger) Bob and my ex were talking... and thats when Bob outed me to my ex, I didn't realize that Bob had outed me until later on that night when my ex was refusing to talk to me. I was concerned and didn't understand what had happened, anyway I asked my ex what was wrong and he said 'Why didn't you fucking tell me you were lesbian?' I told him I was waiting for the right time and didn't feel comfortable. He then starting crying and said 'I wish you told me, why couldn't you trust me?' Thats when he left the campsite and I felt like shit as well as guilty. That happened last week however I have been in contact with my ex and he wants to meet up for coffee and 'talk' about what happened, he told me that he was sorry for his outburst as he was shocked. We are planning to meet on Saturday and to be quite honest , I am incredibly nervous. However I am hoping that our friendship hasn't been totally ruined but it certainly not the best way to 'come out'. To whoever has read this post, learn from this and be careful who you come out to, it can have a domino affect which may not only affect you but others around you. I have learnt the hard way but hopefully there will be a happy out come even in this situation, I'll be honest it could have been worse.
Unfortunately it's too late to listen to the warning at the end for me as I was also outed but to a large group of people at school by a few of my so called "friends" and they then told me that it was "my choice"! That's some BS right there. Nothing happened since it was at the end of the school year, but even so it's annoying to have your trust broken like that. :dry:
I'm so, so sorry! D: I can't believe he did that, how rude! I hope you regain your Ex's friendship and maybe try to explain why you didn't tell him. I wish you the best of luck.
I know how you feel. When I was on the Encyclopedia Dramatica Forums (EDF), at first there was no one to turn to. Then I met someone on there who was being just as mistreated as I was on that hellhole of a site. She seemed to care very deeply for my feelings, and I began to open up to her on things about me, like the books I am currently writing. She really liked what I told her, so much so that she posted our entire private conversation on a public thread, one of the very threads that I was being harassed on. I told her that I wasn't mad with her, just a bit concerned, and she immediately posted that private comment on the exact same public thread that she posted the rest of our private conversation on. By that point, even the other easy targets for trolls on EDF started harassing me, and I just left the site completely. I think to this day that there must have been something wrong with that woman, Maybe the fact that she must've been more autistic than even I am, since there was sincerity in her to the end that she was my friend, so she probably didn't mean to do the amount of harm that she actually did. Anyway, point is, I know the pain you suffer from (it really stings), and also never go to Encyclopedia Dramatica. Ever.
Thank you all for replying Yea its pretty awkward being outed because it makes things more difficult I suppose. I am suppose to meet my ex tomorrow and I am extremely nervous about it, I don't really want to meet him but I feel as if I have to give an explanation :L. I have confronted Bob and asked him why he outed me and he said 'sorry, I thought he already knew'. I have forgiven Bob but I'm still pretty pissed off at him. To everyone who has been outed like me, I hope the situation isn't too bad for you and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel x
If there's even a single piece of advice I can try and give you, I would just say that you should remain calm, don't let yourself freak out, and when you talk to your ex do so in a calm and rational manner, just tell him the things you told us and explain your feelings; that's as much you can really do to try and calm the situation down (as I am sure he only freaked out due to the suddeness of it all really; but I could be wrong). And yeah, thanks, thankfully everything is for the most part fine on my end, I got people in my corner; through unfortunately not everyone can be as lucky as people like you and me.
Thanks MentalRice (and Phioo xD, kicking him in the balls sounds like a plan but it might make things explode out of control haha xD), I am planning to tell my ex something along the lines of what I have told you but I'm not very good at this kind of thing... I'm just hoping it will go smoothly and things will resolve themselves, I haven't told anyone else about what had happened (apart from Bob and I, everyone is confused about why my ex suddenly left the camp trip like that. People keep asking me whats wrong :O) due to fact that the whole situation is rather embarrassing :L Wish me luck tomorrow, I think I'm going to need it (I'll post what has happened tomorrow).
NEWS UPDATE as promised So I met up with my ex today to 'discuss' what had happened at the camp trip and it went well I explained how I felt and so did he, though some bits were emotional. I'll be honest that our friendship has become vague and will probably not be as strong as it used to be unfortunately but there are no hard feelings and such so that must be a good thing right?
