Hi everyone this is my first time posting here though I've been a reader for a while. I'm a 21 year old living in a backward small town in PA and iv known that I was gay for quite a while. Lately I've been stugling with my identity though. I'm not out to anyone expect a few guys I've met on dating apps like ******. I've been really depressed over the last year or so about being gay. I feel like everyone my age is in a committed relationship, and here I am, 21 and never had a boyfriend. A big part of the priblem is I don't act gay at all. I'm very masculine and all of my interezts are typically guy things. Really no one ever assumes I'm gay. Things have taken a major turn for the worse over the last month. I traveled to Eufope last month where I met a lot of gay guys like myself who are completely open about their sexuality yet don't act gay at all, and most of them are happy and in relationships. This has made me even more depressed knowing that I want to be like this yet can't be because that just isn't possible in the screwed up society in the country. If you don't act flaming, you're just presumed strIght here. Part of me wants to just come out to ease the burden of everyone thinking I'm straight Nd no gay guys being interested in me, but another part doesn't want to deal with the added stress and anxiety of coming out. I've turned to drinking more than I ever have before to deal with this stress. I'm completely drink write how as I wriye this post. I Started drinking alone last year, and it really didn't seem to be a problem until the last month or so where it turned into something I do every night. I'm at the point where I'm drinking like 3 fifths of vodka a week and I'm really worried I'm going to become an alcoholic. Part of me feels like I won't need to drink so much if I wasn't so stressed but I don't know if coming out will help eSe my stress or make it worze. I really hope someone can give me some advice because I'm just so lonely and worried and I don't know whT the fuck I should do at this point.
First of all, I think it would be good to address your drinking problem. If it is serious, then joining an AA group or going to a professional to seek advice and talk to is a good way to go. As for adding pressure, I think coming out will relieve it. However, I feel that it has to be done to the right people in the right way. You need to trust them. Don't just come out because you feel you have to. Or that you think it will get you a boyfriend. Don't push the envelope before you are ready.
