I met up with a friend today, and he's one of the few people I know in a happy, positive, long-term relationship. His life is NOT perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and to be honest his wonderful relationship is exactly what he deserves. But talking to him made me understand what I want. I've been looking at guys aged eighteen and nineteen thinking that they're cute and all that, and that I'd like to date them. But really, while I want a guy who isn't bad looking, younger is not what I need. I want a boyfriend who is able to take charge of the relationship, a boyfriend maybe a couple of years older who is a little bit set in life, maybe already having graduated from university. I'm quite scared of the world out there, to be honest, and I don't really want to tackle it on my own. I'm going to make this plain, though. I don't want an old man. I want someone in his twenties, that's pretty much my limit, and I know I'm limiting myself but I understand myself and like I say, I know what I want. I just figured I should say this, because I've tried to date a load of people in their very late teens or early twenties, and now I'm coming to understand that while that may be what I want... it's not at all what I need. So now I'm changing my search, I guess. I'm stopping looking for the typical, drink-every-night, smoke-every-minute, stunning bottle-blonde perfect-skin hairless twink that I see in porn. Basically, I've realised something. A fantasy doesn't always look the same in reality... what you want, what you need, will not always be where you expect it to be. Have a long hard think about what you need, if you're in my position, and also make sure you're staying true to yourself. You can't pretend to be something you aren't, and still be happy. I've been pretending a little bit... and it's going to stop.
You know what? I don't mean to sound cliche,but it happens when you least expect it. I don't think you're being unrealistic. I think you just know what it is you want and when the time is right, it'll happen.
What I've found is that finding someone who knows what they want to do in life is very very attractive. It also helps you understand that person better if you know what their goals are.
Well, That sounds like a pretty good plan, if you already want to... like settle down... I am not personaly the biggest fan of "getting married" young... I think is better to experiment, and be a bit slutty, and enjoy your young-ness. But then again, if you are looking for a really long therm thing, I think it's a pretty good way to go drink-every-night, smoke-every-minute, stunning bottle-blonde perfect-skin hairless twink that I see in porn. Sounds familiar...
I prayed for the day that prince charming would arrive on his white horse and take me somewhere wonderful. Yeah... his white horse was actually a broken down purple car with a radio that didn't work. And "somewhere wonderful" happened to be TGI Friday's. And despite how opposite Mike is from the dream guy (Dream guy is taller than me, tan and really good hair... Mike is shorter than me, incredibly pale and has an army haircut) I pictured, Mike is the dream guy that I prayed for. So I know exactly what you mean. Totally. When Mike added me on Facebook (we were in All-State Honors Choir together and we both needed a roommate) I thought, "Wow. We won't be friends. He's a straight conservative Christian." Romance was the last thing on my mind when we met.
Excuse me editing your post in the quote a bit, but in some ways I have realised very much the same thing recently. For me, physically cute and attractive is often twenty-something guys. Young men, not twinks, but certainly way younger than me. Although that is what I want it is not what I need. I need emotional stability and some sense of security and stability. And a twenty-something is unlikely to provide that because we are at different points in our lives. I need to set a minimum age of around 30, possibly older still. OK that is probably blatantly obvious just knowing my age, but it is the difference between the initial physical attraction and the person who will be right for me. The point about finding him when you are not looking is very valid too. Though it is difficult to stop looking when you feel you need love.
