I've become "existentially depressed"

Misanthropically, pessimistically, nihilistically depressed. It's finally...coming down on me?...after taking that personally test over in the general talk board, but it's been going on in my head for months now. Basically, a copy/paste of what I said over there...

No, I don't think we're part of a dream or floating brains in a science lab. I do assume that life is real and that other people are real, but I'm very prone to sudden bits of sadness after realizing how pointless this little blue space marble is in the context of the universe. And how utterly pointless our human routines are in the context of that. Essentially, I don't think there's any point to life. Anti-teleology. No ultimate purpose, no meaning of life. If there is a meaning of life, it's man-made and unique for every person.

Does there need to be a point?

Yes, I'm an atheist, and that probably opened a locked psychological doorway somewhere in my head, but this isn't a thread to debate that. Everything just seems so relatively pointless, so insignificant when I zoom the camera out and see all the billions and trillions and infinite numbers of planets and stars...and then this one tiny blue-green dot somewhere out in left field. And as a result, I've lost a lot of motivation and energy.


Stop thinking about and go and have som fun!! I think we are here to experience and do whatever we want. Isn't that great? What do you want to do next?

Seriously, it's a wonder I haven't killed myself. But no, I don't plan on doing that. No matter how fucking ridiculous I think it is, human life is fun to watch. It's the best free reality show available. I just can't commit suicide, I'm too curious to see what happens next. But the depression is still there.

Maybe some anti-depressants. Being depressed is nothing other than overkill off some brain chemicals that out do the others.

My mom doesn't quite know the full extent of it yet, but she's offered to take me to a psychiatrist more than once. Not recommended, not forced, just held her hand out. So far I haven't been, but I'm starting to really consider it. I don't think a few hours on a couch is going to change my philosophy much, but some relief, however temporary, would probably be for the better.

Why not? Give it a go...

Anyway...been there....I went to the doctor and got some anti-depressants. They helped a lot. I started to find back to my good old self again and started to live and recognize life again...



Vorenus

 

hey wander.
i know exactly how ur feeling.
sometimes i think that way too...what's the point of this stupid life??
but u know what? as Vorenus said, you don't have to have a point in life.
Life is just...you know...living itself and just going by the flow-that's how i like to put it when i'm like "screw life".
anyway, i hope u feel better, and cheer up dude!!

 

you could take up the opportunity of a therapist if you'd like.
Personally i agree with you, life is pointless in my opinion
so consequently i'm a bit of a fuck it, gimme gimme, hedonist
i make life as fun as i can be, i take risks, and do what i want, as long as im not harming anyone else.
It's down to you, it may be a psychological thing, or you may need to be a bit more proactive and have something to excite you.

when it comes down to it, a large part of reality is subjective, it's how you interpret and react to it, and what you make it.

I'm not saying go to the nearest bar with your closest friends, get shitfaced, do some blow in the toilets and wake up in a hedge with no idea how you got there or where your left shoe has gone, but change your environment, and get an adrenaline kick

 

From the calendar my sister gave me yesterday:

"Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude towards us."

Give the psychiatrist a chance. Your mother obviously cared enough and (I'm assuming) has enough money to send you to the psychiatrist, so why not? If it works, you have a solution to your problems. If it doesn't, you can say that didn't work and find another resource.

Good luck.(*hug*)(*hug*)

 

Wander, I'm sorry you are depressed. I would take up your mom's offer to see a therapist. Call your PFLAG chapter and get one that works with glbt people. You can't really know your life has purpose at 15 years old but I am telling you that by being born gay, your life definitely has purpose. It tears down walls of bigotry and prejudice. People that know and love you will benefit from that. Your life has barely begun. You really cannot know what purpose your life has at 15 years of age. I did not learn this until my late 30's! If you need help finding a glbt friendly therapist PM me and I will help you. (*hug*)

 

Well a glbt friendly therapist could help you with other things too.

 

Wow, you are right about the age I was when I figured all of that out. You can go one of two directions.

continue with the depression and stay on the outside of humanity looking inward to yourself trying to figure out where you fit until you're so fed up that the downward spiral of you own existence doesn't really bother you that much, like I did. (It sucked and I nearly died multiple times, never attempted suicide).

Or you can take a stance of optimism and take your enlarged perspective to even greater heights.

I wasn't an atheist, too chicken-shit to live up to the supposed title (I live in the USA bible belt). But I would admit to being an agnostic. In my journey, I've learned how to take my favorite parts of hundreds of faiths and cultures and sew together my own beliefs. Most of what I like is based in Toaism and other eastern philosophies that emphasize looking at the world in its entirety and being able to comprehend the duality of man. The way that YOU in particular, look at the world is only as bleak as you choose to make it. There are billions who have made the realization that you have made, then gone on to explore it and lead very happy lives.

Give eastern philosophy a look. Buddhism, Toaism, Confusianism (a little more obscure), and Zen are all good places to start. Remember, you don't have to have a title. Just read up on them, then take what you like and leave the rest.

You can be deeply spiritual without being religious.

Believe it or not a professional therapist would be a great person to talk to about the way you are feeling and building a spiritual base.

But remember, they can only help you so long as you are WILLING TO BE HELPED. I wasted a lot of money cuz' I wanted to feel too different for them to understand. (they understood me better than I did anyway, I was just difficult)

Not saying you will but it's a really easy trap to fall into.

Good luck.

 

You're right. There IS no grand purpose in life. If there was, wouldn't the philosophers and priests and deep-thinkers have laid it out for us by now? But yes, people do come up with their own purposes. That's half the joy of life. Discovery. Trying new things. Find out more about yourself and others and your place in it all. We're here for a finite amount of time, during which we fumble our away around, eventually getting more comfortable with ourselves and others, and hopefully enjoy the trip.

My recent bouts with depression were similar to yours, except it was like I got WAY removed from myself. I just saw myself operating along a timeline, with a close-up view of that time when I'm not here anymore. Not death per se, just the fact that I'm finite and eventually won't be around anymore to experience stuff anymore, so what's the point? But I've found as I narrow my focus - when I LIVE my life more - that I feel more at home in this nearly-40, will-be-dead-someday body. And everything makes more sense, and I enjoy life more.

Yes, do go see a psychiatrist. He'll hopefully help get you back on track.

Lex

 

Right on. Like I said, I was chicken-shit. Didn't say you were.