Hi Guys I joined this forum exactly a month ago and since then I have accepted myself to be mostly gay, and because of this forum I felt more confident and sure of myself. I wish I could say that that was the case now. I came out to my brother a while back and the reaction was brilliant and for a day or two I felt great. But since then I have felt quite anxious and unconfident mainly because I constantly think about what other people will think if I come out to them. I'm worried that my parents and friends will be disappointed or angry with me. Because of these thoughts, I just feel really alone as I personally don't know anyone who is in the same situation as me and so I don't know who I can talk to about this. I'm not ready to come out to anyone else due to my lack of confidence. I just want to get back to feeling how I used to feel after I came out. :bang: Please help...
I think you shouldn't have come out to someone just because they're family or a friend, but because you really trust them. Also, don't think about what others will think, just think about yourself and be happy. Hopefully you'll feel happier.
What does your brother say about how he thinks your parents might react? Maybe you could ask him to be with you when you tell them. Either as passive support, sitting quietly by your side, or actively expressing support as soon as you say the words - whatever words you choose. I'm guessing if he was ok, they should be ok, too. Once you have all of them on your side, you can work through whichever friends you'd like to tell, with all of them as support.
Other people's opinions are just opinions. It's your well being that's important. Would you rather be your authentic self and get a few opinions thrown at you or be a 'fake' self just to make everyone happy?
Everyone to a person that I have told I'm Gay has been awesome. There has been nothing but support and love. I only wish I had Come Out years ago. People are going to love you no matter who you love.
Aww, thank you guys for replying, at least I know I'll always have support from this forum. I'll try to work on just thinking about me over the next few days.
Your parents may be a little disappointed and upset at first, but that's normal. When we come out it usually takes parents completely by surprise and they react in the heat of the moment. Our parents have hopes and dreams for us and when we come out it can certainly ruin some of those dreams (like having grandchildren), but most reasonable parents come round after a short time of processing their thoughts and feelings. I don't know many parents who want to spend months and years at loggerheads with their kids. It sounds like you have lost momentum after coming out to your brother and you now find yourself in a bit of a lull. In fairness, you can't ride the crest of that wave forever, but maybe you can set your mind to telling your parents now. I don't mean immediately, but maybe in the near future (to get that momentum back). Remember, coming out is a journey and it's not just about saying the words, but it's about getting yourself prepared and ready for it too, especially when you tell your parents. If you start working towards that goal now, you are still making progress - try to think about it that way. What do you think you need to do, in order to come out to your parents? What sort of questions do you have in your mind about telling them? If you share your thoughts about it with us we may be able to help and encourage you.
As I mentioned before, I feel like I need to get that confidence back that I had before. I'm starting Uni in a few weeks and as I'll be moving out, maybe meeting new people will force me to be more confident? I was also thinking of maybe coming out to 1 or 2 of my friends? We've been friends since nursery so maybe they'll react positively? I don't want to rush into anything though... As far as questions that I have, I'm just wondering if there is a 'right' time to tell them? Should I tell them both at the same time or one at a time depending on how I think they'll react? How should I tell them? Face to face or with a letter? I know ultimately only I can answer these questions but like you said Patrick, if I can get my thoughts down maybe eventually I'll get into the right frame of mind.
If I can give you any advice (from someone who is still in the closet) and that is, no matter who you are there will always be someone who doesn't like something about you. I know myself, that trying to please everyone is just something that can't be done. What is important is that you know that you are a good person and that the real friends and family will accept you for being you, just like your brother did. I don't know how old you are but take it from me at 28, it doesn't get any easier hiding who you really are. I just know that when I do eventually come out completely, I will end up being one of those people who wished they had done it earlier. Maybe if I had reached out when I was younger I would be in a better place right now. Hopefully my bit of advice may help you and stop you from waiting as long as I have. Best of luck, Ant
Thank you Ant for your reply and I really appreciate your advice. I'm 18 yrs old and I'm starting Uni in a few weeks so hopefully I'll be able to be more true to myself when meeting new people. I hope that maybe one day you'll stop waiting and you'll feel ready to come out to others as well.
