I have a question, for people here. For people who eventually move out, or have & away from Judgmental family, after coming out. Are you really happy? I've thought about hopefully moving away in the future once things get settled, but.. I don't think I could just write my family out of my life, If I were to come out to them, & they didn't agree. I know some people have done that, but I have to wonder, family are the people who raised you & love you.. at least the ones that aren't abusive etc. For people who have written them off, do you regret it? is it hard? can you really decide to distance yourself away from them like they didn't exist? I've pondered it hard, & I used to think, it wouldn't be difficult to do.. but now, I'm not so sure; living a life as gay, but your family looks down on you or supports your decision.. I dunno, it sounds rough & yet you love them very much.
I’ve pondered this myself, many times, and, still do, depending on who it is. I think it’s so difficult for some of us, either because we are raised with certain family values, like it would be wrong to cut them off, or, we see and hear the stories and experiences of those whose families love and support them, and we yearn for that, so we stick around hoping it will change or get better, and when it doesn’t we suffer tremendously, and it often has little or no effect on them. Try This: Think about the members of your family in question, and take away their titles, (mom, dad, brother, sister, grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, cousin, etc) and think about them as random people. Now, if these random people treated you, responded to you, reacted to you in the way that they are or will, What would you do? How would you feel? How would you react? Treat your ‘family’ the same, and you will be fine. Just because they are your [insert title] doesn’t mean they act like it.
Maybe you can erect healthy boundaries and develop a mural respect for one another. Kinda like an agree to disagree sort of thing. If they are difficult and judgemental, distance can help. You can still keep contact, but from afar. Not seeing them everyday or every week makes a big difference. You can be free to live your life, and keep the family close, but not to close. Only share the parts of your life with them you are comfortable with. If they are snarky or nasty when you share certain things with them, stop sharing those things. But, never sacrifice your needs because they are limited and judgemental. That is something that can not be tolerated and something you will regret. Find a happy medium. They probably do not want to lose you either.
I think that most people that are pondering Coming Out question how there family will treat them. I've been very lucky my family has been very supportive. Just last week I Came Out to my sister, although a friend who is Gay and her BFF had already told her. She said she understood why I waited all these years to Come Out because she thought our father who has passed would have a problem with me being Gay. I can't answer if he would or wouldn't, but it was interesting that she brought it up. My brother who has a daughter who is bisexual doesn’t talk about it so I let it go. Give you family some time to accept and deal with it. It's going to be something that they need to figure out also.
