Okay, so depending on the days events my mood definately switches often. I can be happy as the heavens or quite the opposite. Recently there are no swings, just sadness. I've felt myself slowly become more and more like this, I hoped I would be able to snap out of it. I stopped eating, i simply can't bring myself to it. My alcohol intake has shot up, i'm drink in a bottle of Magners as i type this, it's 11.33 in the morning and this is my breakfast. It almost pains me to smile now, I can't stand my family being in the same room as me. I just get up leave when they join me. I simply hate myself, I anger myself and how are you supposed to escape one's self? I just hate humans. Why are we so primitive, idiotic, violent, close minded. Why does everyone else get to be happy while I'm having a shitty time? My life hasn't been easy, why do they get a perfect life and I, who's done nothing to deserve this, is still fucked up? I can't bare the the thought tomorrow is coming. I can't get through a day without alcohol now. Tonight I'm going to a party. I havn't been sober since christmas. I havn't eaten in 3 days. All I can bring myself to do, is to drink, smoke and read. Books are the only thing keeping me sane, it's like I'm part of their reality so mine no longer matters. I don't know what i want, i just don't want to be me. I've given up, im worn out, I can't handle my life anymore. I just want to wake up and be someone else.
I thought i'd do the personality test in the general section: Stability results were very low which suggests you are extremely worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious. Orderliness results were very low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment. Extraversion results were low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.
Your going to need try to cut out drinking for the sake of it. I know it sounds easy but continuing will only have a bad affect on your life. It may seem like people have a perfect life, because right now your outlook on your own life is so negative, but very few have an absolute perfect life as everyone has their own problems and their own demons. Life isn't easy but is precious and worth fighting for, no matter how tough it gets or how much we might want to give in. And I refuse to believe that there isn't one postive thing about your life right now because everyone has something no matter how small. (*hug*)
I feel your pain. I have felt that everyone gets to have a good time but me but the truth is the more you focus on what you don't have the less life has to offer you. So my advice is force a smile and think about everything life does have to offer you. Most of all post away all of your troubles here at EC and if you feel like everyone is better off then you then your just being plain ignorant. WE ALL have our own troubles to deal with, but the choice is yours weather you want to go through this with a smile in your face. Remember that all of us at EC are here for you so don't give up the fight!
I can vent all i want. I don't think it'd matter. I've been okay now. I don't think i've been sober within the past week.
Alcohol is supposed to be a recreational drug, not a coping mechanism. Especially at age 16. It may numb the symptoms, but doesn't deal with cause - in fact, it quite often makes them much worse. I'd say a peek into AA may be in order. Lex
you say you are really low and can't bring yourself to do much. but you are reading lots which is a good sign, because it means you have motivation. tap into this desire and use it in other areas of your life. drinking in your current state is quite foolish, and i'm sure any amount of people could tell you first-hand that it's a bad, bad idea. When I'm feeling as low as you are now, it's really hard for me to ask for help, but outside intervention is the easiest way to recover quickly and soundly. Get well soon bud.
