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Am I ready?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by PurpleGreen, Jan 2, 2009.

  1. PurpleGreen

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    Ok, so I really want to come out. But I don't know if I'm ready. On the one hand, I really feel like my life would be a lot better if I told people. On the other, I'm really scared to. I know that it's natural to be afraid, but I'm really nervous just to post this thread, and it's on a site of supportive people. (Here my brain wants to inset 'supposedly') So could anyone help me decide? And if you have any on coming out in general, that would be appreciated too.
    Thanks.
     
  2. Steve

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    its a good feeling coming out .. if the person yopu told is accepting ..
    if you feel confident you should come out .. but maybe to a good freind first
     
  3. Lexington

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    Welcome to EC! :wave:

    It's hard to make a blanket statement on when it's best to come out. It'll depend mostly on your current relationship with everybody, and your current situation (do you live at home? How do your parents feel about homosexuality in general?).

    For someone your age (13), I'd say it's not necessary. Most people that age have yet to truly grasp specifically what they're interested in sexually. It's a bit like first walking into an all-you-can-eat buffet*. You see all the many types of things available, and many of it might immediately appeal to you. But the longer you spend there, the more specific your wants will become. It's certainly possible for someone who is thirteen to know precisely what they want, sexually. But since the whole dating/boyfriend/girlfriend thing doesn't tend to really kick in for another couple of years for most people, there's usually no need to "claim your team" right away. Feel free to think to yourself (or say) "Right now, I think I'm bisexual, but I'm still working on it." Because you probably are. :slight_smile:

    Lex

    * - staffed by robots.
     
  4. missmelancholy

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    Only you can know if you are ready to come out. You are young and do have time, I promise you. While it can be quite refreshing to come out, even if the family has difficulty with this, it can also be a stressful situation. When I first tried to come out to my mother at your age, she was unreceptive to it, stating that it is just a phase at my age. While not all families are like this, I would not feel right jumping up and saying "GO FOR IT" without relating this. Just know that it is ultimately about how emotionally you feel you could handle certain rejections.

    For myself, I came out to my aunt first - because I knew she would accept it - so I had someone I could talk to IRL about it to help me work up to telling my mum. I think this helped a tremendous amount.
     
  5. Lizz K

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    Thirteen is an early age to really "label" yourself gay. I first realized I wasn't batting for only one team when I was a freshman in high school, and even today I'm still wondering where I am. I say you need to evaluate who you want to know first. If your friends and family, or only one of those categories, will be accepting then why not explain to them your confusion? They may even be able to help. On the other hand, if you're not sure how they will react I would wait and feel it out. You have a while before you're out of the house, and living in a hostile environment can make matters even worse. You don't want to end up thinking there's something wrong with you or anything.

    Personally, I've only decided this year to come out to everyone but my family. I've known for 3 years (and when I look back I should've known in pre-school) but it's the scariest thing in the world to do! You just hang in there and know that there are people to talk to, even if the one's you're closest with aren't ready to handle it.
     
  6. ColdSnap

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    you berk :roflmao:
     
  7. silentsound

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    I struggled with this a lot too. First, try to relax. Coming out doesn't magically make you happy and relieved. You might not want to tell everyone right away, and don't feel pressured to. You are allowed to take your time. In fact, it is strongly advisable to do so. Next find someone you trust. You might have a friend your age that you are really close to, but be careful here. I'm not sure if you are on the seventh or eighth grade half of 13 years old (assuming for one second that you are in the US, but the same goes with forms in Europe or wherever you may be writing from) but you probably have seen very recently or are about to see that people can change a whole lot in a really short time. For me, I found the best person was an adult youth leader who I am very close to. A strong adult figure in your life is a great option if you have one. It's true that you will be scared when you do it, but if it's really the right thing to do you will know. My biggest piece of advice would probably be to take your time. When I was posting strikingly similar pleas to yours on these boards I was annoyed that everyone kept saying "you just know" because I thought I was ready. The truth was it ended up being six months between my first "I want to come out" twinges and when I actually came out. When it is the right time for you you will know. For me that felt like I was at a breaking point and I knew I would be disappointed in myself if I didn't. I'm sorry if this is a little jumbled, message me if you want to talk.

    and Welcome to EC! ♥
     
  8. TheRoof

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    oh god i have the same thought in my head...
    am i ready??
    i want to come out but at the same time i just don't want to
    cuz i'm not kind of person who likes change.
    at this rate, i'll never come out :frowning2:
    anyway, if you think you are, you should come out to trusting person, definitely.
    i'll go for a best friend or something if i were you...parents? last on my list