I'll do my best and try to keep this short. I'm going to be leaving to begin my sophomore year of college very soon and lately I've been struggling with the issue of when I should come out to my younger siblings. I'm out to my older sister and she's been extremely supportive of everything, and I know that my younger siblings would be accepting of me too, but I'm not out to my parents yet and don't plan on telling them soon, so I'm not sure if it would be best to tell my younger siblings while they are still living with my parents. I wouldn't want to put pressure on them to keep this a secret, but I also don't want my parents to hear about this accidentally. At the same time, the selfish and cowardly part of me wishes that gossip could just spread on the grape vine and I could be done with all of this "coming out" business altogether. Should I try and approach the subject with my siblings? I've been waiting around for a 'good time' but there's not much time left now and I don't want to keep this to myself anymore.
How young are these siblings, and do you think they would be able to keep the secret? That's not selfish nor cowardly, trust me. I've had a list going for almost 2 years now, and the longer time passes without the right set of circumstances and opportunity with those that remain, the more angst I become and the harder it is on me, especially with the most important ones left on the list.
They're 14 and just started high school, so I'm thinking that they're mature enough to understand. I'm just lost on how to approach the subject at all, because I don't really fit into any of the stereotypes and it'll be a bit of a shock. Thank you, I definitely understand that.. I go to a school in another country and it's nearly impossible to find time to talk with everyone that I believe deserves having a conversation and it's becoming extremely stressful for me. I just find myself getting frustrated and growing resentful towards people that I'm close to for not knowing as well, because I desperately want to share this part of my life with them. It's difficult.
You should come out to your parents when you're emotionally and physically prepared for it. If you think it could go badly (e.g. disowned) are you financially & mentally ready for that? Do not put yourself in harms way. With that said, I got to come out to my friends and family on my own terms and in my own way. That felt amazing instead of being outed by a rogue party. But it does make having secrets from other family members difficult. People love to gossip. Before hearing you're gay from you, people will wonder. As soon as you tell them, you'd be amazed how often they don't care after that. It very well could improve your relationship with your parents. I know it did for me. Once you open up about you and your relationships, people will usually trust you more. People who hide away their personal lives are hard to make a connection with and once people see the true you, the closer you tend to become
What I would say is you have cleared the biggest hurdle. It's hard when people don't understand what it means to be gay and what it doesn't. Emphasize that you it just means you like girls and that this does not change the person that they have known. I'm still having to deal with some members of my family who, after being out for a time to them say I don't act gay. I've started telling them if by that they mean I don't fit the stereotypes, then that's right. If by that you mean I wouldn't kiss/hug/cuddle/hold hands/have sex with another guy, well then I'm not sure what your definition of gay is. Unless you mean 'happy', which, you're right, I'm not when you treat me this way. :tantrum: I get angry at society and people's environment. I long for the day where it is no longer assumed we are straight. But since we still need to come out, when we do come out to certain people, if they say they've known or suspected for a long time, you get frustrated that they didn't just say something supportive and save you all the anxiety. :bang:
Yeah, that could be a good idea. I really want them to know that we can have a conversation about things like this if that's what they wanted. I'm just terrible about talking about myself so I've got to get over that, haha. Luckily my family is somewhat liberal so I don't need to worry about any extremely negative responses. You put this into words. :eusa_clap
In reading your first reply again, I edited the first part of my responce, though I'm glad if the previous advice was of help.
