I don't really know were to start, so Fuck it I am a 14 year old boy in the DC area, I am still in the closet, and have told 3 people, 2 lesbians and a pan guy. So I guess I poked my toe out of the closet doors. I have never kissed anyone, by choice though, and never been in a relationship, by choice again. Its not like i am a horrible person which every one hates, but i am not ready for that shit. So as a child I never thought i would become gay, i always thought that was for the other type of people. As i got into middle school, i never really got into the girls other guys seemed to dig, like kate upton and nicki manji, and in 7th grade, i saw this one guy at this place we were eating at, and i blew up like miss puff and was all like "ohh neptune". Then i felt really weird, like "what the hell, what the hell just happened " then it happened again. Then maybe thought i was "going threw a phase", but then i had a wet dream about men, and i was REALLY worried. this continued for the rest of the school year, and once well i was beating my meat, i watched gay porn and felt a whole lot more aroused, and probally had the strongest orgasism in my life, but felt HORRIBLE and ASHAMED, like i comitted to homosexuality, at this point i felt like i was a gay male. Then i started to reflect on my life, looking back at my earlier childhood, i had always had played house with all my friends (who were girls) in pre-k and i had a high voice and rode horses for fun. I got bullied ALOT for being different, in 6th grade it started, people always asking if I like men, then people started calling me fag and queer and queen, but i always brushed it off because i thought it happened to every one, but then soon saw that it was all targeted at me, then it got physical, shoving, getting balls and school supplies (like scissors and shit) chucked at me when i was turned, and getting slapped in the face. it was always the guys who did it, the girls were my friends. this happened ever day, i dont know why i never told a teacher, probally i thought that they were going to fuck it up for me, make me seem weak. So after my little reflection i deduced that i was probally gay, so first thing i did was google gay test, and according to the test i am gayer then prez hilton's butt plug. So Coming out....... i told this lesbian chick and she told 2 people i did not even know so i was deep in my closet again(ps. that bitch is the worst thing that ever happened to me).........about a month later i came out to my best friend, who was also questioning, i was almost in tears, and he was all like "you gay?" and when i said yeah, i am attracted to men, i felt REALLY good, but then this wave of panic crashed into me, i sorta freaked out for a period. I dont know what else to write,so.... Please just tell me what to do next, and what not.
So I won't be much help since I am in the same questioning position as you but i might be able to be a bit of support. I had that same wave of panic when I told my straight best friend. It was horrible for the first couple days but eventually I got over it. Don't ever think that your homosexuality is horrible because it isn't. I think in high school people mature more and don't really mind. If you like hanging out with girls and they don't judge you then i feel like it shouldn't matter what those other idiots think. Come on every girl wants a gay best friend. (if any of this is offensive I apologize its not meant to be but my advice isn't really that great) Anyway I should answer your question... There aren't any instructions that come with liking the same sex. As my friend said when I came out to her " So what you like [guys] that doesn't define you you're still [name] anyway they legalized same sex marriage so your fine now" You should come to your parents and your good friends that what I would do. No one else needs to now really. I mean no one goes up to every person they meet and says "hi i'm straight" so why should you? As long as you're out to the people that matter to you and you accept yourself then everyone else who is best for you to have in your life will accept you too. But don't expect everyone to accept it right away some need time and some will never get used to it. Don't force it in their face it's just one more of your qualities like you hair or eye color. Ok I think I said enough. Hopefully this helped. :smilewave
I am really sorry you were bullied like that. I remember back in high school being called all sorts of names and fearing the truth but luckily am in a much better condition right now and one day, you will be too. I think you should continue having conversation, maybe with that questioning best friend of yours, if you feel there is an adult or more mature person you can trust and talk to, that might be a good idea. Really though, not sure if you are out to family but you should try to find a local youth group with an lgbtq+ focus, talking with kids your age that are going through the same things will provide great insight as well as confidence. Don't ever feel ashamed of being who you are, be proud! Peace
