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I can't find what I'm looking for, how can I improve my chances?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by corb, Jan 3, 2009.

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  1. corb

    corb
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Atlanta,GA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm a shy, nice guy. I've yet to have a proper relationship (or any relationship for that matter) with a "good" guy. I'm a bit different from some of the other guys being buddhist christian and into a more loving and committed thing rather than a hook up or a "fast" relationship. I just want a boyfriend not sex (for now). I'm just like everyone else but I just want to take time to get to know the guy, become friends, you know?

    However, I can't find anyone interested who's nice. I know the club or even the gsa isn't perfect for that but it's the only thing I have. The guys I'm attracting aren't interesting to me. It really beats on me. Even though I know I'm not ugly, feel like it. Even though I'm not really fat, at 20 lbs overweight I feel like a fatty going against some guys who are like my height and 130 lbs [I'm 5'10" with muscles so ... yeah]. Argh! I can't even find anyone online!

    I'm just looking for a guy that's into more than sex. I don't think I'm being superficial here -- I'm not even confident enough to talk to a cute guy most times. However, some guys... just no. I'm mostly concerned with the "wholesome" factor -- where a guy is less sex driven and more friendly. I want to get that guy who can wait; who can be my friend then whatever comes later.

    I'm not freaking out over it yet, I'm just frustrated and looking for another direction maybe?

    I really need some good advice from anyone that can understand my plight. What can I do to improve myself to find the right guy? (I'm already working on the weight issue.)
     
    #1 corb, Jan 3, 2009
  2. Ben

    Ben
    Full Member

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    You can be yourself :slight_smile: It sounds like you're looking for a guy who will love you for you and nothing more. But if you were to lose a bit of weight and maybe get some new clothes and a new haircut it might give you higher self esteem and make you more confident about yourself. But it's best not to change too many things that might distance you from your true personality and what you really want to be like.
    If you find a guy who wants to take things slowly like you do, then go out for a coffee or something. You could get a good friendship out of it even if things don't escalate into a relationship.
     
    #2 Ben, Jan 3, 2009
  3. InaRut

    InaRut
    Full Member

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    Location:
    Montreal, Quebec, Canada
    Yea, I've got the same problem here. The only place I know where to meet gay guys is at the club, or at GLBT (which is also made out of clubbers). I've only been to the club twice however so I guess it's hard for me to judge. But from what I've seen there most of them seem to be the more promiscous type of gays.

    All I can say is the only resort for gays to meet is at the club, then perhaps, your not the only one there who feels the way you do.

    Also, the shyness factor could definatly be a major hinderance to the amount of male attension you get. If you don't make yourself open to other people then what's going to distinguish you from everyone else at that club. I'm sure your not ugly, you just gotta be a little more...noticable maybe?
     
    #3 InaRut, Jan 3, 2009
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