1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Not happy in the closet!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by alli o, Sep 9, 2015.

  1. alli o

    alli o Guest

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2015
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iowa
    OK so ik reading my last post (if anyone did) I said I was happy IN the closet... but as I have spent one of those long nights on EC hearing everyone's problems and how happy they are to come out has made me realize how horrible I truly do feel in here STUCK, LYING:confused:. I have realized how much I hate it when my friends or family ask e "who I like' or talk about hot guys and I just feel like I am lying! I feel as if I need to come out but I not quite ready?...
    I feel like there are 4 main reasons I don't wanna comeout.:icon_redf
    1.) I feel as if there is a certain time when I will feel so ready so sure that I will just wanna explode like I wont be able to hold it in any more! IT THIS WHAT MOST OF YOU FELT or did you feel like you forced it alittle...?

    2.) I feel as if I should experiment a little:kiss: (which at the moment there are no out gay or bi girls that ik of at my school but I go to a huge school so it could take years before this may happen:confused:) to truly know I have no or little attraction to a guy ( my biggest fear is having to recome out bc I said I was gay and I am actually straight or bi especially if I where to say I was straight bc then people would think I was just coming out for attention!)

    3.) The young card I feel as if I should wait a year or at least until my 15th birthday (5 months) or 16 idealy so people will be less likely to pull that one (which sometimes I trick myself into believing myself also)

    4.) No gay girls at my school to take my side(&&&) (don't really wanna be the first:eusa_naug)
     
    #1 alli o, Sep 9, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2015
  2. AnanasKatze

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2015
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California (Bay Area)
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I wouldn't worry about the age thing. I know quite a few people that came out before high school or even as early as like 5th grade. But the stuff you mainly seem to be worried about is school or public related. Have you thought about only coming out to your parents or some family first?
     
  3. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2015
    Messages:
    934
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    New England, US
    First of all, try not to stress to much!

    Coming out doesn't have to be this big thing where you tell anyone and everyone all of a sudden with absolute certainty of your sexuality. You don't have to be sure to come out. And you don't necessarily have to feel ready to explode to come out (although you shouldn't force it if you're not ready)

    Although judging by your post I'd say you're probably feeling just about the way I did when I came out to a friend for the first time as questioning (It's okay to come out as undecided but probably not straight). The thought of coming out was terrifying since I'd only thought about this in my own head for a long time. But I was getting more and more stressed about it to the point where it was on my mind a lot. I knew I needed to do something so I didn't just keep bottling it up. So I told my closest friend who I knew would be accepting and helpful. And I was just honest with her. I told her I was questioning my sexuality and I was really confused. It helped a lot to be honest and have someone else know even though it was scary for me. It didn't end my confusion but it did help to have someone else to talk to if I really needed to.

    So if you have a close friend or relative that you know would be accepting and trustworthy, then you might want to think about confiding in them. You don't have to come out all at once. You can take your time because it's all up to you who you tell and when you tell and what you tell them. You don't have to be certain to come out. You just have to be as honest. If you feel telling someone would help you, you should.

    Another thing to note is that even when I decided to tell my friend, I was terrified and I wondered if that meant I should follow my gut and not tell her. It took several tries and a lot of nerve but I was glad I did it in the end because I knew she'd be helpful and accepting about it.

    I hope this helps and that you can be a little less stressed about all this because I know that's hard<3
     
  4. Nick1020

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2015
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I would start by coming out, in person, to a best friend that you know you can trust. You by no means should feel like you need to come out to everyone at once. Don't worry about having to experiment, if you know you know. I haven't been with a guy or a girl but I know with absolute certainty that I am gay. Start small who a close friend then work your way out as you feel comfortable. Coming out is something you do for you. Coming out will be very difficult the first time but every time you do it gets easier and you feel better about yourself. Best of luck!