Warning: Long post. My mother is a woman in her sixties. She's a highly conservative person. However, let me state that she is not homophobic. I have a neighbor who's gay and she is fine with him. I once had a discussion with her on whether she thinks being gay is a choice or something you're born with. She believes you're born with it. Now my problem with her is that she's waaaaay to too conservative. She thinks that I'm still straight. I don't know... I wish my mom could talk to my BF and then she would realize that he's not a bad guy at all. My mom has called an Internet predator and she thinks that I'm so lonely and stuff that I just reached out to him so I would have someone. That is NOT the case, I truly love him and I feel this is true love. It may be an Internet/long distance relationship, but I believe it is going to work and I have confidence it will. I cannot wait until it does work and I can say to my mom "in your face!" when it does work out. It really should. It's gonna take a while for my BF and I to meet though so really no plans on meeting each other sometime this year. She STILL thinks it's the early 60's. She doesn't want me to grow my hair out long (I've been trying, but she doesn't let me). She wants me to get a haircut at least once a month. So far, I haven't had a haircut since last Thanksgiving. I've told her a thousand times I want my hair longer and she keeps on insisting that I keep my hair short. I've had my hair short for most of my life and it's time that I change my hairstyle. Yeah, she thinks long hair is derelict-like and not clean cut. I happen to have quite curly hair and my mom tells me it's going to be an afro and she says it doesn't grow down. She uses that as excuse why I shouldn't have it long... Is there some kinda shampoo that can fix it or some crap? Oh she is overprotective of me as well. She wants me to go to bed when she has to go to bed. Ya know, I had a friend who had parents who didn't care when he went to bed. I remember him being as young as 15-17 and his parents didn't care what time he went to bed... but they were actually lousy parents themselves. They let him stay up till whenever, even on school nights... just as long as he got up and stuff. Now I'm 24 years old and I'm still treated like a young kid. She's also put me down before like saying that I have a disability and that I have Asperger's (I've only had it since August 2008). She has called me retarded in the past too. She still believes that I have the mentality of little boy too... which I really hate. She once threatened me to get institutionalized. This was well before I had Asperger's. I dunno what to do. Do any of you know what I should do? This whole learning disability of mine is really really bringing me down. I was tested a really young age (like about 4 years old) and then throughout all of my schooling I had to be in learning disable classes... I got stuck there with some kids I didn't relate to at all. Plus the class size was like 7-12 classmates when a normal class had like 20 or so. But nooo, I got screwed there and that really messed up me up mentally. Then by high school, I was put into resource room... one period where I had to go and pretty much had to deal with a special ed teacher and some familiar faces I've seen in special ed classes in the past. Forgot one other thing. After she came home from New Year's Eve, she was drunk and she called my boyfriend "a queer" and an "online predator." She was asking whom I was talking to. And one day after I got off the phone with my BF she asked me if I was talking to him and she said he could go "take a fuck." She was not drunk this time around. She does drink wine (light wine)... but she may not be drinking anymore since they don't make the wine anymore. So my dad had to get tons and tons of cases of what was left of it. I cannot wait until it's all gone. I really don't want her to drink anymore. Actually she says she would be lost if she didn't drink. She said that the house wouldn't function properly if she didn't drink anymore. I've told her not to drink anymore, but she still does. Yes my dad is sober all the time. OK anyway, yeah my mom is really an awesome mother BUT I cannot stand the fact that's she conservative and overprotective. Now my problem is I cannot move out... I need to find a full-time job. I just dropped out of a college a year and a month ago... so uhh yeah, I'm a bit fucked at the moment. Plus jobs are EXTREMELY hard to come by. Nobody is hiring right now. Jobs are scarce right now in the U.S. It's a shame, my last job I got down-sized (in case you're wondering, they didn't need me anymore so they just told me that I should be working there, it was some pre-school/daycare job. Now I'm looking for a job. I do have an associate's degree... its in Liberal Arts. I have no idea who would hire someone with a Liberal Arts degree. That's another thing that's pretty hard. I don't care what job I get... also my mom doesn't feel that I'm capable of doing some job. For example, I wanted to become a custodian or something... but she said no, I wouldn't like it. Well who cares, I need to make money somehow. I wish I could find a full-time job that pays enough where I could support myself and I have to be working there for months. What should I say to mom? Yeah off the subject, today has not been a good day for me. I found out that my iPod got corrupted and I had to restore it. Now I have to get it all the data back on there, it's really annoying that I had to do it. It was really stupid on how it got corrupted. Well anyway, I need some help here right away. Thank you!
Mick, you cannot change your mother anymore than she can change you. You are two separate human beings who love eachother but have different views on life. You need to cut the apron strings from dear old mom. This doesn't mean cutting her out of your life and never talking to her again but you are 24 years old and its time to be independent from your mom. Find a job or go back to college, and move out. The only way your mom is going to treat you like an adult is if you show her that you are one! Good luck!
did you ever see the movie bubbleboy? ya' nuff said. Dude, aspbergers is totally livable, and have you considered the Idea that perhaps your mother is an Alcoholic? Normal drinkers don't go out and buy tons of their brand because it's leaving production... they move on and find something else or stop drinking entirely. She sounds pretty attached to the stuff. I'm guessing she uses the fact that its "lite" wine as an excuse that she doesn't have a problem. I'd call the Alanon hot line for help with that. Not AA but Alanon, look for help for you, not for her. She'll get it if she wants it and showing her before before then won't help. My suggestion follows becky's. Get a job, cut the strings, and get the hell out. You're 24, and there are people out there who make rent at mcdonalds, they might not have cars but they don't live with their parents. Roommates make things easier too. Take any job that comes your way. ANY JOB. (so long as it doesn't demean you or damage you self esteem for life... Like stripping.... unless you're into that.) Good luck.
You seem to be in the process of formulating a plan. So keep with it. You need to live your life. That involves moving out. That involves getting a job. So go get one. Almost any job is better than no job. Even if you don't like it, you can immediately go looking for another one, and the fact that you're currently employed will make you that much more attractive to would-be employers. Your mother might not want to give you up. This may be why she demeans your attempts to find a job. Why she has bad things to say about your online lover. Why she wants to control how you look and what you do. But you're gonna have to do this stuff eventually. Reassure her that you love her, but you have to live your life. Lex
Thanx everyone and Lexington for your help! Well now, I intend to get any job. While I'm at the job, I apply to some other job that will pay better. Yeah, I got the newspaper and looking for jobs listed there.
Mick, here's an "online site for people with Asperger's" Check it out . It should help. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wrong_Planet
