Hi everyone! So I guess I'll start of by saying that I'm Dre I am a 21 year old bisexual female. I recently came to terms with the label of bisexual but there is some background to it all and I need some help with my re-coming out. Ever since I can remember I have had some kind of attraction towards girls and guys but I guess my parents only saw the whole guy part of it.. it all pretty much started when I was 14 a freshman in high school I met a girl with whom I fell in love with and I was very happy since I didn't know anything about the LGBT labels I didn't call it anything other than my friend who I really liked and cared about.. about 8 months into it my mom realizes that my new "friend" wasn't too much on the girly side and proceeded to ask me if I was GAY... umm.. I said yes? It all blew up to the point of my parents blaming this girl for everything and moving me half way across the country... while in this new school I went back to the "straight" life style I lived before I had met that girl but I always knew I loved her and she wasn't the last girl I was ever into... through out the rest of high school I realized that I couldn't hide it forever so as I perused relationships with other girls I found myself feeling comfortable hiding behind boyfriends so that my parents would never know how I truly felt... after my high school graduation I moved to another country away from my parents I was feeling surfaced and I met a good guy and I really liked him so we got into a relationship.. a year later I ended up telling him about my attraction towards girls and he was scared at first but I "reassured" him that I wouldn't go back to that... now 3 and a half years later I realize that I have been lying to myself and everyone around me for almost 6 years and if you really think about it.. MY WHOLE LIFE! Ok so here's the real deal.. now I am living back with my parents I have gotten in contact with that girl from high school the one that my parents HATE to this day for making them go through that.. and OH MY GOD! Little did I know I really still love this girl!! So now I'm really hurting because I'm in a relationship with this great guy whom I really love and care about but I'm realizing that I haven't been honest with anyone about who I am and it is causing a lot of hurt in me because I'm hiding from my parents. I know my boyfriend will be ok with everything but my parents are a whole other story. Being an adult I wish I didn't have to hide from the 2 people who are supposed to love me the most so I really just want to tell the truth... I just don't want them to hate this girl even more because I know that they will think this is coming to light now because of her. I don't want them to blow up on me again like they did the first time...(they don't know we talk still).. what should I do? I guess you would call this a 2nd coming out? I JUST WANT TO BE FREE!!! -hoplesslylost DRE<3 :bang:
Sorry to hear your situation. Is it at all possible to move out of your parents house before coming out? It would be a lot easier if you had somewhere else to live. Sooner or later they will have to accept it, maybe their views have changed over the years? Did you guys ever have much of a chance to talk about it the first time?
I don't think there's anything wrong with a second coming out. I went to high school with someone who came out as lesbian, then bi, and then finally realized he's a gay transman. From what I could see, most people were perfectly fine with it, and happy he was getting things figured out and making things work for him. But given how your parents reacted the first time, they might flare up again. Given you're an adult now, they shouldn't have as much power over you, such as making you move, etc. But I personally find it harder to come out while I'm living with my parents -- like, last year I was thinking about coming out, but then I had to move back in with them, and now I have no intention of coming out until I'm out of their house. If you're away from them, with your own place, you might feel more confident about telling them, since you'll have a safe place to go to, that's all your own, in case things get rocky. (And I don't know your parents, but I've heard of some cases where the gay kid was living with their parents, and the parents used financial support as a means of control, even though their kid was an adult, so that's another reason I'd personally want to be out of the house and independent, but that's not an option for everyone.) You might try something like leading in with how you think you're still attracted to girls. Like, there's no need to mention the original girl or mention that she's involved again. Because it's a specific girl, it might stir up memories and make your parents more agitated than they would be if it was just a general statement. So maybe lead with that and see how they react, and if they stay calm and polite about it, maybe try being more specific and completely honest about it? Also, if you're feeling apprehensive, I don't see anything wrong with taking it slow, and gradually reaching a point where you've become completely honest about the situation. Like take it in small steps and let people get used to each new bit of information. I feel like this got a little muddled up; please feel free to ask about anything that's confusing.
