Hey everyone have been looking at these forums for a while and decided to join as it seems their is always some good advice given here. Anyway Im 25 "straight acting" and no one thinks or suspects that I'm gay (so I think anyway) To be honest I have only accepted it myself in the last couple of months. I have thought about coming out a million and one times over the last couple of months but decided to wait until I was fully ready. So to get on to the story, last night I was out drinking with some people from my college class and I ended up telling one of the girls that I'm gay, I barely even remember the conversation but do remember her being totally happy and supportive about it! She is very trustworthy and don't think she would tell anyone. When I woke up this morning I had the biggest regret (and hangover :lol ever, but as the day has gone on I think I actually feel happy that I told someone and that someone else knows, feels like a weight has been taken off my shoulders. I'm now wondering if I should just come out to others also, but I really can't see myself doing it sober which I obviously want to do as coming out when you are drunk is not the best idea! Anyway my question is to those of you have come out, what is it like when you eventually come out? Ive heard it feels liberating to some and others are underwhelmed by the whole situation. Also what is the best way to tell close friends and family? Face to face or text or Facebook or something? Even thinking about coming out while writing this is making me nervous :help: Any advice appreciated :icon_bigg
I'm happy your drunk adventure ended well in the end and encouraged you to think about coming out more. I'm still mostly in the closet (these days when I meet new people I'm not shy about telling them I'm gay, but I haven't told anyone from my hometown), and I'll be spying on your thread because I've been wondering these questions myself. I'm so scared about it that I've been considering just doing a single post on Facebook for all to see, but I also feel like some close friends and relatives deserve something more one-on-one and face to face, but the thought makes me very scared.
Congrats on coming out to your first person. I would suggest talking to her about it if you feel comfortable? She will know your personal situation better. Although I'm not out to everyone I personally hate telling people. Telling parents is hard and I personally felt very emotionally drained after. Telling some friends felt really natural and I felt really relieved after. Telling others was harder, especially if I had to bring the conversation up out of the blue. In every case though, after a few days things settled down and I felt happier not having to watch myself. The best way to tell someone is the way that you are most comfortable with.
Firstly Ryan, Up The Rebels. I've Come Out every way possible, in person, text, email, phone calls, my recent Facebook Post which was so rewarding, and yes DRUNK. In fact quite DRUNK. No matter how or who I've Come Out to the experience has been wonderful. Friends of mine live in Limerick and one is a member of the Police Department, and he said Jim you've always got a friend in Ireland. Don't look back.
On these issues, most of my friends and family are neutral. The worst I have gotten was from my brother (who does not believe in aromantism) and a friend ("don't give up on romance"). I probed first, casually bringing sexuality and romantic orientation into conversations. I showed myself as supportive of the queer community. Once I determined that someone generally did not have a negative view of the queer community, I would continue for a bit longer until I was certain that they were truly positive. Then I would wait for a private, brave moment to tell someone. Focus on some kind of fact or something "you heard..." and start a conversation. Focus on your specific romantic and sexual orientation. If it is still going well, tell them. Remember, it is different when you know someone. A person's view is different when it comes to people they care about. Which can be a good or bad thing, depending. Be careful and good luck. If someone doesn't accept you, then they aren't worth knowing.
