Hi I've always maintained the attitude that if anyone asked I would tell them that I'm bisexual, veering towards homosexual. Not many people ask, and I never talk about liking men, so most people assume I am straight. About 2 months ago I met this guy who was clearly attracted to me, and we flirted a lot, etc., etc.. Anyway, because it was my first ever oppourtunity of a boyfriend I was confused and a little concerned, and trying desperately to repress my attraction for him. So, something I did was said to a lot of people: "I'm concerned about this boy who seems to have the wrong idea. He seems to like me, and think I would like him... what a hilarious predicament," etc etc. We've been together for just over 3 weeks now, and tomorrow he's coming to one of my rehearsals (I'm president of the drama club at university), where I'd had several conversations with other members about this awkward admirer of mine. So they're going to meet him... and I need to find a way of: a) telling them I like men - this will particularly upset one male member whose advances I rebuked b) telling them that this admirer is now in fact my boyfriend, without seeming like the most awful hypocrite, which of course I am. c) not letting him find out what I've been saying. I feel horrible about it Sorry that went on, but I really do not know what to do, and was hoping some of you could share your wisdom? Many thanks!
You could just tell them/him that you did the denial thing for a long time and old habits are hard to break. I think that is what I am going to have to do with a lot of people.
"a) telling them I like men - this will particularly upset one male member whose advances I rebuked" Do you mean that he was into you but you didn't feel the same way so you told him you don't like guys? If so lying more won't get you anywhere, just be brutally honest if he brings it up and tell him you weren't interested. I know easier said then done but it has to happen if he mentions it. "b) telling them that this admirer is now in fact my boyfriend, without seeming like the most awful hypocrite, which of course I am." I don't think your a hypocrate you were just afraid of what they would think which is perfectly ok. You need to explain to them that you didn't want them to think badly of you and that you were afraid of what they would think. If you've got yourself some good friends they'll understand. "c) not letting him find out what I've been saying. I feel horrible about it" I think this is a bit like ripping off a band-aid, you have to do it fast or it will hurt more. I don't think keeping this from him would be a wise choice. Even though he'll be mad at you at first he'll probably get over it soon after. If you lie to him about it by not telling him and then he finnds out somehow then it would go down pretty bad. Thats why he needs to hear it from you.
Okay well just tell them that he's your boyfriend that should cover bases a and b. At the same time ask them not to tell him what you've been saying. I don't understand why they would tell him anywho but if you ask them not to and they are good people then im sure they won't say a word. Of course if you did tell him I think he'd understand. And your not a hypocrite, you were just a little confused, it happens to the best of us.
Why not be honest with all of them? What you have put in your post is not extraordinary and should be seen as offensive. This is the first time you have had a bf. It is reasonable that you were relatively embarrassed by your sexuality. Telling them all the truth (starting with your bf - get him prepared before you show up at the rehearsal) will help you not having to remember what you said to whom. Good luck, be brave.
Truth is always better, I have said the same things to people until now. It is just because of the confusion and you can easily say that is what the comments were about because you weren't sure at the time. There is no point in trying to cover things as they will eventually come out so to speak. :icon_bigg
The amazing thing about truth is that it covers all the bases. Just say he's your boyfriend. If anyone says, "I didn't know you were gay/bisexual/liked guys", just say "it came as a bit of a surprise to me, as well". Lex
thanks everyone! You've given me the confidence re. points a and b, point c I am still terrified about! Also, telling my very recent ex-girlfriend, who he works for. eek. Thanks again -- I guess i just needed encouragement more than advice (without realising it, if that makes sense), and that's exactly what you've given me. I love this place so much.
I would talk to your boyfriend first. Let him know that your friends don't really know about your sexuality, and that you sort of had to act like any boy hitting on you didn't interest you. Then let your friends know that you weren't sure how to tell them but you do like boys, and if it upsets the boy who had been interested in you, let him know that it's nothing personal you just aren't interested and also wasn't sure how to handle it because you're not "out."
I kinda think that they should all be taken care of if you just tell that hes your BF they aren't gonna bring that stuff up, it'd be weird to do that to someone you just met.
