Hello Again. Sorry for all of the posts that I seem to be posting its just I am trying to really figure out what to do with myself lately. So lately I have been very accepting to the fact that I am gay. Its just I know I will be staying in the closet for a while knowing the reaction from a lot of my family members. Its the simplest thing where, for example, my mom saw two guys kissing at a gay pride parade and said ewww :icon_sad: So coming out is not an option, at least not until later on in my life. How is it possible to find any friends/a future boyfriend who is in the closet as well? I know once I find someone that I love I know I can come out because even if my parents don't accept me I know that I will have someone to turn to. I know everyone has been telling me come out then it would be easier but I am just not ready. Also what is with "gaydar"? I just can't seem to use it for anything. How do you make it work? Or are you just guessing at it? When you finally found out you like guys and accepted it do you ever feel more emotional? Like I was reading a love story about two guys who were madly in love and they both got in a car crash and only one survived. Then they go on... but while reading it I literally had tears running down my face into my pillow that I was lying on. Or just watching a movie and something sad happens its just the tears find its way out! :tears: Just recently I moved with my family to Clovis, CA. Making friends for me is just one of the hardest things in the world. I am very shy, but once I find someone to talk to I am one of the most sociable people in the world. I guess being lonely is something I have been a lot. I guess I have trouble getting close to people because of past experiences. I lost a lot of my friends because they just turned there back to me one day. Then others just stopped talking to me for some reason. :icon_sad: Its hard for me to make friends so even at school its lonely. At lunch I sit in the library doing homework, something that I really don't enjoy that much. There are people I talk to but its just that thats all they are there for. Just to talk in class..... What should I do? Clubs are out of option because there are none that I like and frankly I stink at every sport out there...... There is a lot more that I want to talk about but I think for now this is enough. I really just need a good friend to turn to I guess..... Sorry for this being so long and thanks for reading. Oh by the way, I hope you had a wonderful christmas and new years
wow your story is identical to mine i have moved past accepting my sexuality and it seems that ive also become more aware and sensitive to the gay world making new friends can be hard but much like you im quiet and awkward until you get to know me and then im a bright light of loud-ness and social-interaction im trying to break out of my shell and reach for new people i dont know how much advice i can give consideing i am in the exact situation but if you need someone to talk to id be glad to help
It's really normal to get more emotional or feel more alone once you have really accepted your sexuality. It's because there's something about us that sets us apart from the crowd. Something so monumental that we really need people to talk to about it, but it's difficult because not everyone takes it well. But do know there are others out there (EC, for example =]) and they're a lot closer than you think. About the boyfriend/gaydar thing. First of "gaydar" is really just being able to pick out the really obvious, and occasionally the not so obvious. But some people just can't tell, which can be a good thing because it means you're not judging. Don't worry about that. And if you do find a boyfriend or even just a few gay friends, don't worry about whether or not they're in the closet. They don't need to be in the closet for you to stay there. If they're your friends they would never out you. If you're not interested in any clubs/sports I don't really know what to tell ya. Maybe just join one that sort of sounds interesting. Anything to try and find some friends. It can be hard being shy (I myself am the exact opposite) but the key thing is to try and put yourself out there. I don't know if this is true, but maybe part of the problem is you feel like your sexuality is/will be too obvious if you try and make friends? Well, don't worry about that. Let people think what they want as long as you're comfortable with yourself there will be those who love you and those who don't. You've just gotta try. I hope that helped =] If you need anything else, gimme a shout.
Thank you! Its not that my sexuality would be obvious its just that the clubs are so segregated I guess. There is the Asian club, the Indian club etc. I just dont want to be in something like that.... Plus maybe bad past experiences influence a lot of it plus being shy
Does your school have GSA, newspaper, yearbooks, etc? Those types of things are neutral! And don't worry if you think a GSA would be a gay alert, plenty of straight people are in them, but a lot of gays are too so that would solve the meeting gays problem! You've gotta put the past where it belongs: in the past. In order to make your future positive all the bad that's happened needs to act as a lesson and not a hinderance.
Thanks again. You are totally right the past is the past. And no we don't have a GSA or newspaper. We have yearbook but its a class. I go to a new school that just opened last year so they dont have a lot of good stuff
Hmmm, I can't say I've been in your situation, living in the same place for all of my 17 years and having a really accepting family. But... I can totally relate with you feeling shy. When I was younger I was too (and still am, but less). Like you say, I'd be really shy at first but when I had a friend I'd be really sociable. It's hard to remember how I got out of that shyness... I think I was just fed up to be often alone and I became more outgoing. In high school, the easiest way to make friends I think is too find things you have in common. So say people you have the same classes with, when you do teamwork, projects, etc. Don't hesitate to infiltrate some groups They might not be the ones for you, but you can't make more friends if you don't try! And at least, remember you have us at EC.
ur a NOT alone! i can totaly relate to ur story ... until a year ago, thak god i met a few people that helped me go "Out" and it was the greatest (and worse in a way) year o my life so if u could do it im sure u can ^^ ._. but it was very dificult ._. finding people that i could trust (the hardest part was telling of course xD) but after that it gets better so .. dont worry ^^ im sure ul find someone u can trust ps: *drools at ur avatar* its so.. o________o xD
Hey, I identify with many of the things you discussed in your post. For one, you can do a lot with being out to friends and not parents-- I for one have not come out to my parents but I am out to 40 or so friends. I can't really tell how many because the number grows every day and I don't pay attention. Sometimes people say that "It's just better if you accept it (the fact that you're gay) now," but put that way it sounds like a chore or something unpleasant. For me, accepting myself and coming out to my friends was an exhilarating and fun experience. Don't worry about having to hide a relationship with a potential boyfriend; you'll cross that bridge when you come to it. Gaydar? It's not some secret superpower that only us gays have, but merely common intuition that anybody observant can possess. Observant gay people may have a way with this-- often in other gay people they recognize certain tendencies and behaviors that they see in themselves, and they use this recognition to make educated guesses about other's sexuality. That's it, nothing more. See you around
