You may say I'm weak after reading this... A coward maybe. I can barely look at myself in the mirror without thinking these same things. I've always known I was attracted to women. But at 18 I married a boy, my high school sweet heart, head cheerleader and quarter back. Don't vomit yet, wait. 3 daughters later after a shotgun wedding and I'm still in the trenches. Surviving a loveless marriage with no sexual attraction. He's cold though and busy climbing the ladder of success. Too busy to notice I cry during sex, or that my anxiety and depression are slowly killing me. Then it happened... She looked at me, looking at her for much too long and after that I couldn't deny what I was. But she is in the same boat, the sinking kind. This is when I decided that whether she loved me or not, whether she would jump ship for me or not... I refuse to live a lie. So I'm planning on coming out. I'm getting some stability in life, 3 kids to support and many people in my life are sure to abandon me when I finally say I'm a Lesbian. But one day I'll look back and the hardest part will have passed. I'll be in someone's arms who finally knows me and hopefully can love me as openly and completely as I love them. The pain will be worth it. Tell me that there is light at the end of this.
Hope dies last. I don't say you should terminate the marriage, but taking baby steps in explaining your husband and cutting any activity you don't feel comfortable with off the list are a must.
Hello OliveRose. Welcome to EC. I feel for you. I can't really comment on your predicament as I haven't been through what you're going through. However, there are many people here who have, or are going through it who will provide excellent advise. Good luck on your journey.
