sorry this might be confusing to read, I'm just getting my thoughts out there. I can't decide whether or not I'm gay. I came out to a friend before I came out to myself just because i thought He might be gay, and my therapist made it a homework assignment. he wasn't. i feel like I'm stuck in limbo, like I'm a hollow shell of who i used to be. I no longer want to be with old friends because i can't enjoy anything... i don't enjoy myself. recently i haven't been able to talk to my own brother(and we used to be so close and it kills me). i can't talk to anyone in my family. they see me struggling and i wish they knew but i can't tell them because i haven't decided for myself what my deal is. and i feel like i might flunk out of school. my brain is overloaded with this so much that i can't even follow discussion in class. I literally can't formulate a thought. and i can't do homework either. i questioned myself for the first time at 20. i wasn't turned on by anyone, just thought of someone as attractive and that scared me. half a year later i go to therapy and my therapist is very gay. the subject came up and now, a while later, it seems to be my underlying problem that I'm not dealing with appropriately. I'm worried that I'm being talked into being gay because something about it just doesn't feel right to me(strange i know but thats my thought). how come i went through puberty exclusively attracted to girls? even through high school. it just doesn't add up. I'm wondering if there is a possibility of this being a problem of confidence or identity or self esteem, i don't know. Although i do like the idea of being romantic with a guy. i just can't seem to get aroused sexually by this. i do think girls are hot and i do picture myself with one sexually, but i don't think enough of myself to do anything about it. i don't know what to think or who to talk to but its killing me.
You could just be romanticly/sexually attracted to girls and romanticly to guys. (I'm not a therapist but) I think the first thing to do is to figure out how you feel about whom, but it can't be rushed, you probably just have to wait. Then you can decide if you are gay, bisexual, etc. There's so many different sexualities. I went through a similar depression "phase", and I'm still not feeling completly like myself. But I'm better than I have been the past few months. I know everything with school and stuff can be overwhelming, maybe you could take a break from school or have a couple of sick days to rest and sort your thoughts. I hope your situation starts getting better, hope yo feel better. <3
