First thing first, hi everyone! So here it is, my first post (like whoa.) Well, so far I am only out to one person, my sis, and have been for nearly a year (one year July 26th...epp. thats coming up close). Now i know some would say that being out to only one person, and it being a year since coming out to that person is "slow", but honestly, i feel that im taking it at my own pace. But you see...in a way, i feel that my coming out to her has kinda, well, backfired. Since she has known, she has gone away to college (her freshman year) and come back. Now, it seems that college has 'changed' her; thats really the only way i could put it. She isn't the sister i knew when she left. At first, her reaction was definitaly what I kinda expected - shock (and boy do i mean shock..), some questions, and i think she finally settled with it. I knew that she would be fine with it; me and her are very close, so we can really predict how each of us will react. After returning from college...she seemed to be making more and more snide comments about my sexuality, and seems to be trying to fit in into the "stereotype" of a homosexual. (ex: she said once, 'You and me need to go shopping, i need another girls opinion on some stuff') Now I'm not sure what to do; should I just confront her about it, see if it is just a 'phase' she is having, or something else?
Well, seeing as how you guys are so close to each other, it seems kinda like she is joking around. But if she does keep up with the comments, and you are getting kinda annoyed or hurtful, just tell her. Tell her about how not all gays are the stereotypical girly-man, in fact most aren't. btw Welcome to the boards
Welcome to the boards! Yeah, I'd definitely tell her that you don't appreciate the comments she makes. It may sound odd, but her making comments about going shopping, etc. may be her attempt to seem more accepting... but I couldn't say for sure. In any case, let her know that stereotypes are just that and being gay just means you like (primarily) guys and really not much more. You don't have to wear certain clothes, speak with a lisp, not play sports, enjoying showtunes or anything to be gay... we're a very diverse bunch! :lol: I don't know your situation or anything like that and I think it's GREAT that you're taking things at your own pace (don't let anybody tell you otherwise), but is there anything that's holding you back from telling other people? I know from personal experience that it really helps to have someone close by who you can talk with and since your sister is in college now it might be helpful to tell a close friend (or possibly another sibling, if you have one and are close) to be able to talk to. And then... there's us! We're always glad to help people out on the board, just as people do for us. Post away! You'd be surprised at how much writing out your thoughts helps... in fact, I'm going to right now. Again, welcome! -CK
I think that's kinda cute... straight people are silly sometimes, like the time my mum asked me 18 months after I came out to her (and we had been going to PFLAG meetings together, even!) whether one gay guy is the girl and the other is the guy. Of course, my mum isn't super-open about any kind of sexual stuff so I suppose I shouldn't have laughed at her but it was just so funny. "Yes, mum, I do the dishes, iron the washing, clean the bathroom and also GET IT UP THE ASS!" Maybe your sister ran into some more stereotypical gay guys at college and she's just trying a little hard. The thing is, you could respond with something totally flip like, "Girlfriend, I don't THINK so--do I look like I shop at Chez Wal-Mart to you?" Or "Can we get our nails done, too, and a facial?" (make sure you sound really desperate when you say that) Or you could try, "Another GIRL'S opinion? I think I've still got my dick and balls around here somewhere... now where did I leave them?" But humour aside, probably the best approach is just to say, "That's great that you want to hang out but I didn't magically become super-shopper when I figured out I liked sucking cock." Okay, okay... I'll stop now... but you get the idea. Just treat it as if it was meant as positively as possible. Most people have difficulty reacting negatively if you approach things in a truly positive manner. Those who don't have any difficulty in those situations we call curmudgeons and they are tricksy.
thanks guys, it really is nice to have an outlet to talk and stuff. Well, as for her comments, they have been going on really only since she got back from college (May 13th) so maybe your right, and its her idea of an 'adjustment' period; i kinda told her, and three weeks later, she left for college. As for anything holding me back from telling other people; well, let's just say that my family has had a rough year, and this next coming year isnt going to be very stress-free ( im gunna be a senoir, so the whole college process is starting again) and as bad as this sounds, I don't want to unload such big news upon my parents (my only sibling is my sister) during a year that their going to be dealing with a lot of stuff. Really, I wish to do it at a time where we can sit down and really lay everything out, and talk about it and such; i just dont want to do it at a time when they will be running with their heads spinning off into another dimension. I'm actually thinking of coming out to them in the form of a letter; i saw someone elses coming out story in which they told their parents through a letter, and it was written with such prose, such maturity about it, that I really think that it might be the only way i can express what I think to my parents, because unlike my sister, when i think of telling them, all i imagine myself saying is "I uh...I uh...umm....mmmhmm...I...ah...." and thats it. Why can it be so hard just to say the words "I'm gay."?? Maybe because it's my parents...
