I am 26 just started grad school and moved very far away in hopes of being able to be open. I am only out to my sister and one friend who asked I did not answer and then she told me it was okay. Will just say that the long awkward silence answered that question. I started questioning when I was 18 and at 21 I knew for sure that I was gay as I had a lightbulb moment. There have been many people along the way that have suspected but I have always dodged the question. When I was 18 my aunt asked me directly over the phone and I pretended I could not hear her it was breaking up. Another person that was in my class/lab came out to me even though we were not friends and told me her parents did not know, true to my nature I said nothing about that and glazed right over that. So, when I decided to attend grad school far away I thought this would give me a fresh start where I could start off open and honest. Well today when I was working in a group with people that I have know for about two week the topic of relationships came up and I could feel myself freaking out. So when they asked me if I was in a relationship I quickly said no which is true but I cannot help but think that this would have been a perfect opportunity to just tell them. Would that have been a good place to just come out? I have waited a long time to come out to make sure that I could achieve my career goals. Now that I am in the final step for reaching this goal I want to stop hiding from myself and others. This secret has caused me to shy away from having friends and keep people at an arms length to prevent my secret from being unveiled. I am now financially independent from my parents and do not have the responsibilities that kept me the closet. I feel like I should not be afraid of coming out now that all these things are resolved but I still am.
