im a 19 yo guy whos confused to say the least. iv known for a long time that im differant to other guys and was taunted all through my school life for it although i denied that i was and tried my best too fit in. after i left school i thought things would change but only weeks into working it all started again. the only upside to the bullying is that im now a much stronger person. roughly 12 - 18 months ago i met a girl called bek and new straight away she was a friend for life. in the short time iv known her iv become closer to her than any one else in my life and 6 months ago when a new slim, blonde, seriously hot guy started at my work and i got my first gay crush i knew she was the only one i could tell. she understood immediatly and since telling her shes text me everyday and i go to her house a couple of times a week so that she knows im ok and dealing with it properly and not just bottling it up like i used to. iv accepted that im at least bi maybe gay and i no i need to start acting on these feelings but im just so scared of it all. id like to meet guys but im worried my in-experiance of it all will hold me back (silly i no) sorry to dump my life story on you all but any advice is more than appreciated
It is very scary as its kinda new although not. I was in the same situation in school i.e. bullied for being different. You have a good friend there keep talking and you will find what you want, it is important to be yourself though. I have found that EC is a very good place to dump your story and people have been extremely helpful, so welcome and i hope you find what you need here. We are all in it together. :icon_bigg
Welcome to EC .... you'll find so many people on here who have been through the same thing. Your very lucky that you have a friend who you can trust totally and who supports you. The only advice I can give you, is emerse yourself in the gay community. You will meet people who will not judge you, who will support you and you will be surprised how easily you fit into your life. Its exactly what I did when I realised I couldnt 'act' straight any longer, and now I have a whole new support network (and a gorgeous girlfriend). Get out there, you'll have a blast!!
Welcome to EC! It will be scary at first, but you are very lucky to have someone you can talk openly to, and you also have EC if you need any more support. My advice is just go with the flow. You know your own feelings, if its too scary right now then don't rush into anything, but if it feels like time then just go for it, you have a good friend to support you.
i no im really lucky to have bek and i cant imagine how hard it must be trying to go through with this without someone who understands. the advice of just going with the flow and doing things when it feels right has helped ease my mind a little thanks thanks to everyone who has already replied and to anyone else who does in advance
Hi there and welcome to EC! Glad you joined. It's great that you have someone that you can trust and talk to when you need to. From your post it seems that you have made some progress. Congratulations on that and on coming out to your friend! Trying to understand what's going on and trying to figure things out can take a while. There is no rush in figuring everything out all at once. But that's okay! As the others have mentioned above, go with the flow. Explore the feelings that you have. In time, you will have figured it out. Maybe try not to label yourself at this point and follow whatever feels right for you. Follow your instincts! If something does not feel right, maybe take a step back. Sometimes it is a sign that we are not ready for a step that we are or were about to take. But as you become more comfortable with yourself, the fears and awkward feelings will subside. If you can, take it one step at a time. Things can become overwhelming fast. Given that you have started to deal with your sexual identity and accepted it, I think it would be good if you take it slow at first. You will see though that as you become more comfortable, things can move at a much quicker pace. In addition to having a supportive friend who is an important part of your support network, I think it would be good if you could also find some members of the LGBT community who have gone through what you are going through/experiencing. Often talking about your experience thus far and perhaps fears, and listening to others can help you in moving forward. It will also help you to normalize things. Given that we try to hide it, and to fit in, we often build up internal homophobia, which will show itself, either in the things we do or don’t do, or in our feelings. By talking with others openly about yourself, and listening to yourself, you will teach yourself that it is perfectly okay to be who you are. It is normal! Also, by joining a LGBT group or getting to know a few new people, you will broaden your support network. Your support network can consist of your friends, LGBT members, counselors, EC, teachers, family members, etc… Having a strong support network on which you can rely on and gather support from is important. It can make things a lot easier. I hope this helps a bit! Welcome to EC!
Hi and welcome to EC! This is the place to get comfortable with your orientation - whatever it is. I would agree that reaching out to other gay / bi people in your community would be very helpful. That's what I did as well - and it's scary as hell at first but it gets easier with time. There's no hurry and it's not a race. And the scars of the past are hard to forget, but they are indeed in the past. Good luck - and again, welcome!
I've been were you are, but I would really suggest joining a GSA or some other group. that's what I'm doing and I think it helps.
You have come leaps and bounds in such a short period of time, you're doing great! I think it's time to sit back and let things take their own course for a while. To start with, I would forget labels; no need to limit yourself at this age and with your level of experience. Love on a person to person basis, not on a gender basis. If after a while you're confident that you're not and wont be attracted to women then sure, call yourself gay; but until then I would just stick to saying "I'm attracted to men". As for being inexperienced, don't worry about it! You're only 19, you're at the age where the majority of guys are only just coming out and MOST of them will be just as inexperienced, nervous and self conscious as you. When it comes to relationships, experience means nothing; every relationship is different and requires different things to grow and maintain. As for physical stuff, again experience doesn't count for much! Every sex partner will be different to the last, they will all like different things, different ways; no two people are the same which means that every experience is going to be a new and exciting learning curve! Follow your instincts, don't let fear hold you back and only do things when you feel ready. Good luck!
It's scary and I'm new to the scene as well if there is such a thing. It's good you found EC so you can look into what it means to be bi/ gay. Also will give you tips on how to come out to others. As for finding other guys. There are websites for dating, some for hookups (I dont recommend) and support groups in your area. The last might be your best bet, many gay groups exist in our very backyards.
thank you all for the support. it feels alot easier when you realise your not the only one going through it so glad i found EC!!:icon_bigg
