Basically, I think there are three things that I'm afraid of that are keeping me from coming out: 1. People at school 2. People in the Jewish Community (since I am Jewish and go to synagogue, am involved with the youth group etc.) 3. My parents As far as people at my school are concerned, though I'm worried about it, if I came out, I would just deal with it as it came. I'm already sort of an outsider, though kind of a liked outsider, not really disliked, just distant... As far as the Jewish Community, I don't know how awkward services and things would be but the Rabbi of my Congregation is more or less supportive of gay rights and I'm not so worried about that... As far as my parents are concerned.......... I am absolutely clueless about where my father stands as far as homosexuality goes. From little bits and pieces I think he has a friend from college who is gay and in a long term relationship with a guy. But I've never heard them talk about it, and this friend is hardly even mentioned. I had to google the guy to find this stuff out... My mother is a lot more vocal...about everything...you have to put together the stereotype for the overbearing Jewish mother and the overbearing mother of a gay son, modified to admit the uniqueness of individuals...anyways...here are the facts: 1. I know that I am not allowed to date or marry a non-Jewish girl. Yay, that's very nice. The idea behind this is something that my mother has told me outright. She wants Jewish grandchildren. If I date Jewish girls I might end up like her sister or her brother-in-law who fell in love and got married and...duh duh duh...their children aren't Jewish! This leads in to... 2. I'm expected to have children. 3. Sometimes homosexuality has come up for discussion at the family table (for example, after Proposition 8 was passed or when Brokeback Mountain came out). My mom has a very "it's none of my business" opinion about it. She says, "I don't care what they do, I just don't need to hear about it." She also said that it's not "normal" and it's not "natural." 4. For the reasons listed above, she absolutely did not want to see Brokeback Mountain. 5. We watched Rent together the other day (something I tried to avoid, but it happened anyway). She particularly liked Angel's character, calling him cute and all that, and she didn't seem to wince at the relationship between Angel and the other guy...I should know his name but that's the first time I've seen Rent. 6. When I came out to my brother about a year ago, his greatest piece of advice was "Don't tell mom." I've set myself a deadline that I'm going to come out for sure sometime between graduating high school and starting college. But every once in a while I get frustrated and consider: "What would my life be like if I came out now?" There is of course the fact that when guys slept over at my house they would probably not be allowed to sleep in my room...and my mom might make us leave the door open at all times (she did that with my brother whenever his girlfriend was over) but that's very superficial...and I really don't see myself getting a boyfriend while I'm in the closet...it's just so difficult. I expect my parents to be dissapointed at first, to question it, to have the whole "coping" thing. But I don't know what they'll do after that... This turned out longer than I expected, but I'm going to stop now and ask...Any advice?
It sounds like you're most worried about your mom. Well, on the whole it seems that she's not close-minded about homosexuality in general. Maybe she doesn't want to go deep in details but she doesn't see to be prejudiced against it. You also said that she wants to have grandchildren. Well, she still can. You can adopt, or have a surrogate mother (and this would actually make the kids genetically related). You said you definitely want to come out to them, so the question is, what will the difference be to come otu now as opposed to later? I suppose one thing is that they'll have more time to get used to the idea before you get a boyfriend (just because as time goes on you are more likely ro get one, especially if you're out of high school). But, you don't happen to have any family members that are gay? I guess you would have mentioned that. Well, when you come out is really your decision. There might come a time when you feel that it's the perfect moment, however, when you do come out, it sounds like your parents would benefit from some PFLAG materials (and I don't think they've really ever hurt). It might make it easier for them to understand what you're going through.
