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Moments When You Wake Up

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Shyvin, Jan 6, 2009.

  1. Shyvin

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    I know I make too many threads, well I made one yesterday about going through my "I'm straight and only straight" phase. And nothing in that department has changed. But that isn't what this thread is about. Nor am I seeking advice on anything.

    This thread is really more about being introspective and sharing those moments with others.

    I ramble, and it's something I need to work on.

    There are times while I am living out my days here on Earth where I'll feel like I am Steven again. Has anyone else experienced this? Maybe you are sitting back and relaxing, just staring at the ceiling and then all of a sudden you wake up inside yourself. Like you become conscious about knowing you have changed over the years. Be it subtle or not, you realize the differences and you see everything at that point from the person who you use to be familiar with. A person that has been buried beneath responsibilities, hardships, and the passing of time. All the days and years have softened out your edges but at this one moment everything that has covered you up lifts away from you. And you are exposed to yourself. Again. All you want to do is savor this precious occasion because you know it isn't going to last long. It is a fragile state that evaporates with something as tiny as shifting your gaze a few centimeters in either direction.

    It puts a lot in perspective. You'll ask yourself who you are and you won't be able to answer. You'll ask yourself who you wanted to be and you'll always feel shortchanged in comparison to that answer.

    No, I'm not drunk.
    I've been up too long, and I get sappy when I don't let myself get to sleep.
     
    #1 Shyvin, Jan 6, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2009
  2. musican

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    That's actually really deep, I think. I often think about who I am and how I came to be who I am, and what I wish were different; it's a lot to think about.