Hi everyone, God I never thought I'd be doing this. Uhhm basically I think I may be a lesbian but wow I could never admit that. I'm 19 at the moment and I don't know, I think I'm just getting tired of lying to myself and everyone - it's exhausting! For the last 5 or so years I've been telling myself I'd find the right guy, then I'd develop feelings. But looking back on my high school experience, it's kind of obvious how hard I was crushing on one of my best friends, and now at least I think I might have a crush on one of my professors at university! I so so so wish I could be out but... In my current situation, that feels massively selfish of me. Currently I have two brothers who are gay (one is out, one is not though my religious mother knows). She's literally said to me "Please please tell me you're straight...if you were gay too I would kill myself". Not only that, so many of my close friends and family are religious. Honestly I dont know what to do. I know in theory I deserve to be happy..but why should my happiness be more important than that of my family? Any advise would be incredibly appreciated. Also sorry for any typos and awkward wording. Much love
Having been thru the repressing everything, getting in ltr and having kids, I've finally now gotten to the point where I HAD to be out. Your mother shouldn't have said something like that. That said, you deserve to live your life in the way that is gonna make you feel happy and most fulfilled.
If it helps you can probably confide in you brothers and just say they cant tell your mother, or you can come out to one of your closest friends (after you figure out if their pro LGBT) sense you're in school, most Post secondary institutions provide a counselor that you can go to free of charge for students (included in tuition). But angeluscrzy is right, you deserve to live your life in a way that make you happy. Hope I could help, if you wanna chat more my wall is open.
To the original poster, you're in quite the predicament aren't you? You want to please your parents, you want meet the social norm of being heterosexual. Everyone wants to be accepted and feel normal. I fought those same feelings for years and repressed my sexuality which did me absolutely no favors in the long run. This forum is full of people who repressed their sexuality for years, and the damage shows later on. There are a lot of good reasons to not come out, and yours seems like a decent one. It's wonderful that you also have gay brothers - do either of them know you're gay? I will say this though, it was wrong of your mother to tell you this. Your mother might as well have said "just please tell me your skin colour is white" or "please tell me you're left handed." You have no control over who you're attracted to. I understand she probably wants to have at least one "normal" son and have grandkids and all the rest of it. The problem is: this is your life, not hers. You have the right to be attracted to who you're attracted to. If you ignore this, the closet can be a horrible place which can mess you up for years to come. I'm not saying you need to come out to her or anyone else, that's for you to decide. But your mother already has 1 gay son who's out, another who's closeted. Clearly she doesn't hate gay people or disown your brothers, so it sounds like she needs to work through her relationship with her religion and come to terms with her children's sexuality.
