So, I dunno how to say this, really…it's awkward even if this is really the exact place for it… I need advice on coming out. Not counting peeps on this site, or my other Net haunts, there's only one person who knows I'm not straight, and she thinks I'm bi. So did I, until the other day. But I'm gay, and I live in the rural Midwest, in a highly conservative community. Statistically, there must be hundreds, but in school, there's only seven LGBT people, and a good deal of the kids in my high school are at least a little homophobic. Plus, my mom and stepdad are conservative Baptists (so am I…I think. But this ain't the place for my religious identity) and I don't know how they'd react. My mom would never kick me out or try to "fix" me, but I'm not sure I could tell her "Hey Ma, guess what! I'm gay, and you'll never get and grandbabies from me!" So…help? Please? It's killin' me to keep this secret.
I just re watched the episode of Nashville where one of the characters Came Out. It's a new world out there. You need to be true to yourself. If your parents have a problem with your happiness it's there issue. Take a breath, you will be ok. Life is short live yours.
I'm sure it's hard keeping this a secret from everyone, but you have only just (within the last few days) realised that you are gay. Before you tell anyone, you should give yourself a bit of time and space to let it sink in, otherwise you will be like a loose canon going off in all directions. Try to pause, relax and just come down from where you are now with your feelings. Coming out can be a bad experience or a good experience and much will depend on when and how we approach it. We can't control other people's reactions or opinions, but we can make matters worse if we jump in without thinking about it. I'm sure you don't want your coming out to be a bad experience that will leave you feeling upset and vulnerable. As keen as you are to tell people, it really is important to think about who you tell right now. It might be best to start with the friend who knows/thinks you are bi and see if that lessens the strain of keeping it a secret. You also mentioned several people at school who are LGBT and it might be an idea to tell them next so you have a group of people to lean on for mutual support. If your parents are very conservative you do need to think carefully before you tell them. Right now, you depend on them for safety and security and even though they wouldn't kick you out or try to 'fix' you, they could make life very difficult for you. I'm sure you don't want that to happen. Sometimes, it is best to bide our time and start planning when and how to tell them, even if it's years down the line. It might seem horrible and feel like you are making no progress, but actually planning is important and it does count as part of the coming out journey. One thing is certain, if you tell your mom like this, it will not go well at all: Even if you didn't mean it like that, you do need to be careful with your language, tone of voice and anger to avoid a really serious confrontation. Rush into it and that's precisely what will happen. Build up a support network now, but don't come out in haste and make your life worse. You have your friend and online support and you can lean on us if it feels difficult.
The best way to come out is by really not rushing into it. Start by talking to some of your closest and best friends. They will probably support you, and help you along. It is a great start if you are not doing this all by yourself, as it is daunting to so a thing like this. If you haven't figured out exactly how you feel yet, it is probably best if you just relax for a while, sharing the feelings that crop up on you with those friends, so you keep a ventilated, fresh mindset. If you are sure you know who you are, and you feel ready to share it with the world, I wouldn't wait all too long before telling your parents, as they would like to hear it first-hand, and there are only a couple of people in the world you know that love you, and I'm sure your parents are a couple of those people. As you mentioned, it isn't a good idea to walk in with the word "I'm gay", as that may surprise them, but you want to have a conversation with them, so you must be ready for some questions, as there most certainly will be some. Give them time to process this information. It might take them a little longer than 30 seconds if they weren't expecting it, but as it took you some time, they will probably need some time to. But first. Take a deep breath or two, and try not to keep it a secret for a lot longer. I'm sure it'll be OK.
Thanks for the advice. It's helped me think, and I have an overly complex plan for coming out now. Unfortunately, it ignores everything y'all told me.
Well dude, being that you are 14, I would say you should slow your roll and think about things deeply before making such a judgement call that is difficult to take back once you release it. Basically dude, everyone and I mean everyone, yes, even that silly jock, has had a time that they got all curious and stuff. Have you had relationships with girls before, and if so, have you also had relationships with other guys? I think being gay is much more than just being able to attract people to you, and sexual feelings. The key to any orientation is emotional connection and love. Do yourself a favor, slow down, don't be in such a rush, and think about everything, and oh BTW, focus more on finishing high school rather than worrying so much about your sexual identity.
