Guys, how did your best straight mate(s) react when you told them?

Chip basically took the words out of my mouth. My best friend was the first straight person I ever told. I had dated girls and been in a relationship with a girl two-years prior, so he was completely shocked. "WTF?" I think was his exact reaction. But once I spent 20 minutes explaining myself, by the end of our chat he was completely fine with it.

The same thing with some of my other good friends. Initial shock, some took a few days - or even months - to get over it. But, like Chip, there's been nothing but support. I have an amazing family and circle of friends.

I think if you're planning on telling your friends, have your story ready. Open up and talk about your struggles with coming to terms with your sexuality. I find once I tell my story (like I have on this forum many times), people will almost always support you.

One thing I found that really helped was telling my straight guy friends "I'm into you as much as you're into me: I'm not. Nothing changes between us. I'm the same guy I always was. The only thing that's changed is you now know I want to kiss boys instead of girls. That's it."

 

I couldn't come out, but I met one of my best friends first year in university and he almost immediately asked me, if I am "gay". He told me he's okay with the idea, but just wants to know ... out of curiosity. I denied, but this year (2 years later) I finally told him that he was right from the beginning. I've never seen him so happy. xD

 

I knew that my best mate was very gay-supportive before I told him.
Really nothing changed between us. I was afraid that we won't make our Bromance jokes (which were and still are a bit exagerated, for example touching each other in a passionate way) but we still make them.

If he is your true best mate he will accept you as you are, if he won't accept you as you are then you'll definetely find someone who will.

 

Most of my friends are straight guys. They all took it well though most of them were surprised. A couple of them had pretty funny reactions though.

 

Bounced, copy & paste that on my wall and I'll get back to you tomorrow. I'm curious to know SemiCharmed response to your questions to him too

 

I don't have any straight male friends. :icon_roll

I think that if you feel ready to tell your mate, you just have to do it.

 

Well, after the initial surprise, my mates wanted to know all about the sex! And whenever we get together, they need to know all the details. Given they are both married with kids, and their sex live have become almost nonexistent, I am more than happy to oblige and watch their reactions!

 

I've known my best friend for years, started out as classmates in medical school. You wouldn't have even thought we would "click" with each other because he's this stereotype straight alpha guy and I'm this "grayish-area" guy who people are confused whether I'm straight or gay. Anyways he figured it out by himself that I was gay. He was always fine with it during medical school, but when we actually graduated, then eventually through residency. We hit a ROUGH PATCH big time. He went on as an Army Doctor, somehow began being all sensitive about his image. I guess seeing himself with a gay guy was "off-putting" to army guys? Well I don't really know the whole story behind it.

Anyways I figured the friendship was lost. But eventually we did patch things up, in his part actually he proved relentless in wanting to patch things up. Now I act as his wing man :lol: we go clubbing a lot. When he finds his date for the night, I distance myself. When a guy asks for my number through him, for some reason he refuses to give it out, I guess being overprotective. When a guy kisses me in-front of him though he's fine. He laughs but doesn't leave. At the end of the night we "compare" who's had more action. :lol: On a side note he can't stand hearing about the details of gay sex.

 

I was 26. Mostly I just tried to steer the conversation to dating or LGBT issues and let it unfold from there. Something like "while we're on the subject of online dating, I should mention I'm on there looking for guys." Or just casually mentioning my bf once I started dating him.

Honestly, I really wanted to be out because I felt like I couldn't be my full self around my friends without them knowing. But I also didn't want it to be a huge proclamation. So I just kept my ears open for the right opening. It made it feel less scary to me.

Probably the funniest story was when I told my friend Brian and he thought I was joking even though I repeatedly told him I was serious. I finally offered to show him my internet history if he didn't believe me, and that shut him up.

 

To be honest, I lost a few straight/male friends (not best friends) after coming out. I guess our differences became more pronounced and obvious and we gradually just drifted apart. They went off and had wives and families and I ... didn't.

Not something I would recommend, but I was generally out at bars/clubs and drunk when I came out lol. (talking about 10+ years ago).

 

Grace said, and I quote "So, does that mean I can help you find a boyfriend? Because I totally ship you and Brendan!"

I said, "Which Brendan?"

She said, "The one in your Spanish class."

I said, "*drools*".

 

I told my friend I've been questioning and she was kind of awkward about it, but I mean I don't blame her. I've known her for 10 years so it's kind of big news, plus she doesn't really know many LGBT+ people as far as I know.
But anyway, I told her and it was mostly me talking and trying to make it lighthearted and she said "maybe the way your friends are kind of rubbed off on you a bit. I mean, I know that can happen sometimes" It sounds mean the way I wrote it and I was kind of bothered by it, but it was just her way of responding (the way she said it didn't sound quite so judgey, it was just her experience with it). She's definitely pretty accepting and chill and she was really glad I told her so it went pretty well.

Bottom line is, she's my friend and she cares about me and she's stuck through being my friend this long, so something like this isn't going to change anything because we're still the same people.

 

Everyone of my closest friends have been so very supportive. Over and over people have told me the love me no matter who I love.

 

Since I am not out yet, this is something that I also worry about. My best friend and I have known each other since we were 10 or 11. He's like a brother to me. He's has even lived at my mother's house after college. Him and I grew up in Boy Scouts, went through school together. We go fishing, hunting, hiking, and shooting together. I am definitely not attracted to him at all. That would be weird. When I do tell him, I plan on making that clear.

I don't know who how he is going to react. One minute he'll make a joke about gays and then after say he has no problem with gay people. So I get a lot of mixed messages about how he feels about the LGBT community. Besides telling my mother, he is going to be the next hardest person to tell.

I guess the best advice I can give is you'll know when the timing is right to let them know. Remind them that it does not change anything about you. You don't want to suddenly jump them. Just like they don't want to jump every woman they see. Remind them of why they are your friends. Good luck!

 

"you don't trust me enough to tell me your phone number, but you trust me enough to say that... okay then."

 

My first friend I told was a straight male and he said "Does that mean we can fuck girls together?!" And I just kinda died of laughter. My other 3 friends I told (all straight) told me they were supportive and that it was amazing I had the courage to come out, etc. I'm from a younger generation though, so I already knew everyone was going to be accepting so it was pretty easy for me to come out.

 

I'm a bit worried about how my best guy friend will react. In college, we used to 'play gay' in front of others (always 'just for a laugh', and always initiated by him). He'd do things like put his hand on my leg, hold hands walking down the street, and he even kissed me by surprise one night...always for an audience. I would play along, but kinda liked his attention too.

Anyway, he's married now, and we remain excellent friends. He has become more self-consiously straight in his behaviours over the years (e.g. he never sits on the same sofa anymore, but he used to), but I've long suspected that he's a least a little bi-curious. I'm a little worried that when I come out to him, he'll react badly because it will be a threat to his straightness. It would be really sad if we drifted apart because of this because we have shared so many memories. I'm torn between avoiding the hurt of losing a friend, causing some sort of crisis for him, and avoiding the distance of not being my honest self.

Anyone have similar experiences?