Hello everyone. Vivince here and yeah... Well I was hoping to get some advice if I should come out to my mother? Its not as easy as you think it isn't. Growing up with my mother she had tried to make me wear dresses and at like a girl but I didn't want to because half the time I didn't even feel like one and that made life hard on me. When growing up to I liked people personality's then their so that made me the freak. Then middle school came... We had learned of sexuality's and all but never about what pansexual meant. At that time I had felt more confused about myself when I began to like my ex best friend Tonika. She was a wonderful woman who knew to make me happy and make me feel loved but when my mother found out she didn't like her anymore... In the either 7 or 8th grade I planned to come out to my mother but when she found my papers she said and I quote "You are only doing this because you think its cool! You will never be a lesbian ever" I wasn't planning to come out as a lesbian either. ahah... I blew it off for the time being then Then when HIGH SCHOOL came thats when I had truly learned what I was feeling. Thats when I learned I was a pansexual,genderfluid person. Only person who I had told was my best friend Matthew and he has stayed by me yet. I am now a senior and I am more happy then ever but afraid to come out. The most recent thing that has happened was when I went out to the gay pride parade with my best friend and now ex-girlfriend. I was going to invite her over and come out but didn't happen, But the night before my mother said "Don't meet some woman and have her tell you that you are gay, Cause you are not!" And that hurt me a lot... Having my own mother tell me I can't love who I want. I knew since I was just a little kid I won't be straight and I wasn't just a girl. I really want to come out to her and have her love me. But I don't know if she will kick me out or hate me... should I wait till I move out or just never tell her?
When it comes to stuff like this your safety and wellbeing is your first priority. If you think that she might kick you out or be abusive (verbal or physical) then you should wait. Waiting to tell your parents doesn't mean you have to be closeted; you can tell your friends and people that you know won't out you, like Matthew, so that you still have that support basis and you don't feel alone. Other than that it sounds like you're going in the right direction good luck I hope everything works out for you. If you wanna talk my wall is open.
I agree with the above person. You're mom probably won't take it well, at least not at first and you don't want to live in that kind of environment. Since you're older anyway and able to date on your own, hopefully her not knowing for a while won't impede you too much. If you want to tell her sometime in the future, you should (after you can support yourself and all that.) I guess in terms of not telling her, you'd have to look at the pros and cons for you personally. It may be easy to not tell her, but if you want to maintain (or start) a good relationships with her, keeping something like that hidden will only drive you further away, especially once you're out on the own. If you get married to someone who isn't a guy someday and you love them, you might want to be able to introduce them to your mom. If you do tell her, it seems like she probably wouldn't take it well. She may have a very hard time with it, but sometimes people can change and they just need time to get used to something and see that it's real before they can embrace it, it depends on the person. But since you'll be out of the house and away from her, this would be a lot more likely to happen for your mom if you are prepared to keep putting in the effort to communicate with her and be patient with her. Just some stuff to think about. I wish you all the best!
