Hi, I'm having a small issue with coming out. There's a few people I'm not sure I want to come out to until I have solid proof that I'm gay. I really look up to my brother but I'm scared of him at the same time. We're basically complete strangers. We live in separate states and are two completely different people, and are a decade apart. Even though we were raised by the same person, we did not grow up the same at all. I don't worry as much about my other siblings since I at least got to know them a little bit, and my dad is gonna take some courage as well but he's always been more of a friend than a parent to me. I live with my mom, grandma, and her husband. My mom is the only one who knows I'm gay. My friends don't know, although I would expect them to at least have a clue of some sort. It's not like I hide it well, if you pay attention to detail. The only people I'm really worried about telling is my brother and grandma+husband. I want a boyfriend, although nothing serious. I've thought about making a profile on some phone apps or websites possibly, so I can meet someone. I like the idea of having someone in my life when I tell them the news. Thoughts? Any similar experiences? Where are some good places to meet someone? Thanks for reading.
You definitely don't have to come out all at once to everyone; coming out to a few, select people a little at time-- whenever you find is best for you-- is probably the best way to go. I, personally, am a very open and confident person, so coming out to people isn't such a challenge to me. But, when it came to my family, I was very scared. Of course, they took care of it for me *insert heavy sarcasm here* and forced me to come out, but your situation doesn't sound as heavy-handed. If the going gets tough, just think of how your mother feels (I'm assuming that she was accepting, but please correct me if I'm wrong) and let that motivate you. I wish you the best of luck! ^.^
What do you mean by "solid proof that [you] are gay"? Here's what seems to have worked well for me. ****Your individual results may very**** create a list of all of the people in your life organize this list by importance or difficulty, in ascending or descending order (I went with most-least important) determine the best way to come out to each. (in person, over the phone, letter/email etc) create a very comfortable and allowing date by which you would like to be out to those most important to you, and another one for everyone else. If coming out in person or over the phone, think about what is important for you to say, and practice it. If writing/typing a letter/email, take time to organize your thoughts and read it over as many times as you feel necessary. (It took 2 weeks for me to draft a letter to my dad I felt was right) Ask others for input if you have their support. (I let a cousin who I was out to read the letter to my dad) As you go through this process you'll find that you might deviate significantly from your chosen order or dates, and this is ok. The lists main purpose is for guidance. ****Your individual results may very**** Prepare for everything, expect nothing. I was most worried about my friends responses, but all of them so far have been completely accepting and supportive and it has not changed our friendships in any way. I was ultimately not expecting a negative reaction from my mom, but I got one :***::tears::tantrum: With some people, you may need additional resources/help. You may find PFLAG to be a helpful resource when addressing this with your grandma and her husband. The most important thing is that you do this in your own way and at your own pace. Know that we are all here to help and support you. Best of luck. ---------------- If you need help with a letter here is an excellent template I used to draft the letter to my dad. Adjust and edit to fit your circumstances. There are also real examples here on Empty Closets and in various other places on the internet. ---------- Post added 1st Oct 2015 at 12:24 AM ---------- In terms of sites to meet people, I've done extensive research for myself and found 2 very good free sites that I plan to use in the future when I am ready. Unfortunately, Empty Closets site rules do not allow me to post their names. What I will say is if you do your research, you'll find that certain ones come up repeatedly, with good reason. The good sites are going to match you based on things like common interests, morals, values, and so on and will have compatibility tests that you can fill out which will show you matches based on these criteria. The good sites will also have a good member code of conduct and be moderated so you won't see as much trolling, spamming and fake profiles. Just know what to look for and be wise about it and you will be fine. I really wish there was some way I could be more specific without violating the rules. :tantrum:
