"Never wait or hesitate Get in kid, before it's too late You may never get another chance 'Cos youth a mask but it don't last live it long and live it fast" Hi everyone- listening to the lyrics above recently, has prompted me to share my story... I recently turned 25 and felt like my life was pretty much over... 25 is just a few short fews away from 30 afterall haha But joking aside, turning 25 did cause me to assess where my life is at. To begin with I know that I am gay. Even though I've refused to accept it for so long and have been in deep denial, I've basically known since I was 12 or 13. But I haven't told a single living soul. I came really close to coming out in high school after I crush on a guy in my year at who was gay as well. We spent a lot of time with eachother and I knew that he liked me, but I just never could find the words to tell him how I felt. There were times when I almost blurted out the words and I could tell he was waiting for me to say something.... but the words never came. We hung out so much that I am convinced a lot people thought we must have been together anyway. When we graduated high school we went our separate ways and I completely abandoned any interest in coming out. I simply went deeper in to the closet than I ever had been before. I have basically been in a holding pattern in my personal life ever since. I haven't had a girl friend (although I've dated and slept with a few girls) and have been pretty much just getting on with life. In order to provide an alibi as to why I've not been very successful with girls and have never managed to sustain a relationship for very long, I have made people think that I am just really conservative/ religious.... I mean don't get me wrong, I am religious to an extent and certainly believe in God, I do use my religion as cover against people thinking I must be gay. I certainly haven't presented myself as a bible basher or anything but just someone not interested in trying to sleep with girls. In all honesty for the longest time I've just wanted to find a girl, settle down, get married, have a couple of kids and just lock my feelings away. I honestly felt I could do this and be happy at the same time. Ever since I was a kid I always wanted to start a family and live a fairly stock standard family life.... the only problem is that I'm gay. Recently I've just been finding the pressure all too much. I am sure that lots of my friends suspect and know what I am hiding and can see through the facade. I feel like I have every other aspect of my life on track in terms of my career etc but when it comes to my personal life I feel so lonely and isolated. I feel that I have wasted so much of my youth and thrown away so many amazing experiences and the opportunity to meet someone. Of course I know it's not too late... but I still can't even imagine coming out to anyone. Although in saying that i have recently been thinking about coming out to my best friend who I've known since I was 5 but even that seems really difficult. I know plenty of gay people but i don't know how I would ever muster the courage to talk to any of them about this stuff. So yeah thats where I'm at... sorry for the length. I know a lot of you will simply say 'come out and be yourself and enjoy life' but I just don't know if I can bring myself to do it. At least posting here as been a good start I guess.
I know exactly how you feel. Every birthday since I turned 25 (I'm 28 now) I always get really reflective and think about where I am in life and worry about what is going to happen in my future. This year was different though. For some reason the moment it ticked over 12am on my 28th I finally admitted to myself I was gay. I cried for hours because I knew that this meant eventually I was going to tell everyone. I have such great friends and family but I imagined everything falling into a hole when I tell them. No matter what happens, things will be different, and I don't want them to be different. I feel like the longer it goes on the more and more paranoid I get that everyone knows already. Then there are days where I think they have no idea and are going to be so dumbfounded when I tell them. I'm so scared of my friendships deteriorating or my mates being really awkward around me and thinking I'm a creep. I wish I could just keep it a secret forever but it is taking a told on me mentally, I am getting really bad anxiety and I can't stop thinking about it. I really want to tell my best mate but I just don't know how to do it. If you ever need to talk feel free to write a message on my wall. It would be good to talk to someone who is in a similar situation. I am from Australia too.
You have not wasted any time, your entire life is ahead of you. You focused on your career and have that in order as you said. At 25, what a great time to now focus on your personal life! You skipped the juvenile nonesence that can occur as a teenager and early twenties. You avoided making a bunch of bad decisions. But now you can make decisions that can help you find self fulfillment and satisfaction. I waited until my early fourties. And even now, I am enjoying every aspect of my personal life living it to the fullest. It's never too late!
Hey mate- thanks for your post. I just tried to leave you a wall message but it says I need a minimum of 10 posts. I can totally relate to being worried about everything changing, that's my biggest fear as well. I think because I've been in this rut for so long and don't know how it could be any different. I feel like I don't even I don't know who I really am deep down... when I talk to people I sometimes feel like I'm an actor or something because the words don't even seen real. I think that if I did come out even though some friends and family wouldn't understand, I know that a lot probably would and I would get support... but something still holds me back. ---------- Post added 2nd Oct 2015 at 02:27 PM ---------- Thank you for your post! I realise it's not too late and you are right I have pretty much put all my focus and energy in to getting my degree and getting the good job... which I now have. I know that there is a massive crater in my personal life that I wish I could just go ahead and fill but it's hard. I mean when you grow up you're taught that boys like girls and vice versa and its drilled in to you right from a young age. When I think back to my childhood, there was nothing worse than being thought of as gay. But even though I've grown up now and so have my friends, I can't get past that sense that my whole world could fall apart and that people will think less of me. I think I mentioned that I had found religion in the last few years and used it as a way of distracting attention away from being thought of as gay and to help me to hide it within myself... I have a lot of church friends who I'd be worred about them finding out because even though it probably isn't healthy to hide behind religion like this, they are nice people and I value their friendships and don't want to lose them.
Worrying about losing a friendship is understandable. However, if someone truly likes you for you, then being gay should not change that. Your value as a person doesn't diminish any simply because you are gay. Its a part of you, but its not all that defines you. Strong character, compassion, honesty.....those should mean a hell of a lot more to someone than your sexuality. If someone chooses to turn their back on you, then you know they're not worth your time.
Hey, I read your post and I can really relate to it. I felt like this a few years back. I just wanted to say that it really does get easier. Eventually you will feel comfortable enough to talk to one of your friends about it or something related will come up in conversation. Please don't stress about being 25. It's totally irrelevant. Nobody is sitting around waiting for you to come out, even if it feels like it to you. It's a personal decision that we all take when we're ready. You've just focused on other things until now and you can have those other experiences when you feel you want to explore them. One step at a time
I'm 27, and I felt the same way when I hit 25. Like "Ugh... I'm only 5 years from 30. Half of my 20's are already gone! Where has my young-adult life gone?" I definitely think you should start preparing yourself more and more to come out. It doesn't have to be all at once. One thing that's helping me (as I'm not out to my family yet) is just talking on the forums, and reading about people in similar situations. It's like being exposed to a community where you are completely accepted makes you feel like there's a bigger chance others will accept you too, so your anxiety about telling other people lessens. You also hear a lot of good ideas of things to say. Also, definitely start by coming out to someone close to you, who you trust, who is likely to be accepting. It helps SO MUCH to have a back-up you can confide/vent to as you come out to more people. That way, if you do take a hard blow later down the road (parents, perhaps) you'll have someone to talk to to keep yourself from getting too gloomy over it. Break it down, one step at a time, without rushing, and you'll get there eventually.
The only person who I would talk to is my best mate who as I said before I've known since we were five and I know that he will accept me... I mean i am sure that he suspects deep down anyway. Unfortunately he's moved interstate for work recently and I would really rather do it in person... I think he's back home for Christmas later in the year so I might grab him one night and go for a drive or something and bring it up.
You could also try asking your friends probing questions to see how they feel about gay rights issues. Try to find a relevant topic people are talking about, like the legalization of gay marriage in many countries around the world, or Kim Davis' decision to go against the new laws, and see what your friends say about those topics. If they're saying supportive things, it's likely they will accept you. For me, I've been asking people around me how they feel about Kaitlyn Jenner, and even if they give a negative response, I try to find if it's because they are just uncomfortable with trans people or if they just don't like Kaitlyn's mass media approach. So far, most people I talk to support Kaitlyn, or in the very least support the message she's trying to spread even if they don't like her personally. (Sorry if my media suggestions are American-centric. Those are just the topics I'm most familiar with.)
25 you have a whole life in front of you. I finally admitted to myself on my 51st birthday that I was Gay. A few days later I told a couple who are dear friends, then I told my mother. Do I regret not Coming Out sooner. I guess so. However life is what it is. I do know that life has never been better since I've Come Out. If your meant to find true love you will. Your 25 years old. You have an entire life ahead of you, enjoy it. Stop stressing over the little things.
Those are all pretty topical issues in Australia at moment, especially the Kim Davis stuff. When marriage equality was allowed by your Supreme Court it was a massive story here in Australia as well. Pretty much all my non-church friends are very open minded and definitely progressive on gay rights issues. As I think I mentioned, I actually have several gay friends who are out and very open about their sexuality, one of whom I am very close to. I know that I'd receive support but I still feel a certain amount of shame about the whole thing and as irrational as it sounds I keep thinking that the worst case scenario could happen.
