Hello everyone so recently i have been thinking about saying something to some one about who i really am (and i sorta have) but every time i think about it i get this chill and idk, i just have to stop and i put the thoughts away. yesterday i came out to an almost stranger who goes to my school and is gay, he already knew and thats sorta the problem with saying anything to anyone. The people i want to say something to would be totally cool with and they have straight up confronted me about it but i have been denying it since i moved to this town freshman year. idk im just confused and if anyone else finds out it will spread like wildfire through my small school and my worst fear is my dad finding out. :bang: please help
I would imagine that the fear of your dad finding out is the nub of your problem. If you sort that one out the rest will fall into place, like you said your mates will be fine with it. What is stopping you telling your dad? Could you tell your mum maybe and get her to work things through with you so that you get to a point where you (or she) could tell your dad? Without knowing more about the situation between you and your dad it is difficult to give advice.
the problem is that he so homophobic that he almost hates gay people, and even having a gay brother has not helped the issue. He has also freaked out on me a few years back for being gay because he didn't want his only son to be gay. (my brother is my half brother but he is usually treated like he is my dads son)
I'm not a psychologist or anything but I really do feel that until you have sorted out this issue with your dad, which will have to be done sooner or later anyway, this feeling you get isn't going to go away. I am not saying 'Go tell your dad straight away' not at all, this is something you will have to do in your own time when you feel ready. What I wanted to explain is where I think these feelings are coming from. Do you feel any great need to come out to people? Can this wait a bit until you have progressed a bit with your dad? Can you talk with your uncle? I know these are a lot of questions all at once but if you can talk to your uncle you might get a better understanding of your dads homophobia. What is your dad so scared of, why does it upset him so much. Many of the prejudices we carry with us through life stem from our childhoods, upbringing, bad experiences, or just the feeling of being threatened by what we don't know. One more question while I'm at it, what is your relationship like with your dad?
Yes - what about your dad's brother? Could he be a source of support for you? Otherwise, I'd agree that you should perhaps keep it to yourself until you're ready for your dad to find out.
idk if my dads fam is the best idea and our relationship is strained we never talk... and as far as telling people its just that sometimes i feel trapped and left out from everyone at my school because i can't be who i am and i have to deny what i feel and i feel like i can't have a bf or a gf
Why are you hesitating about telling your uncle? If he is gay then surely he would be a good person to talk to. Relationships are often strained between adolescents and parents, it a hormone thing for the kids and a getting older and not knowing how to react to this young independant person on the parents side. Have you tried making the relationship a bit better between you? Often problems at this age stem from lack of communication and differences between what the parent says and what the teenager has understood has been said to them. What about your mum in all this?
i think im gonna tell a few friends tonight. i just don't want to keep it away from some people anymore. EDIT: do you think its ok to tell them in a text?
Tell them however you need too! Some people feel texts are too impersonal, but if that's how you need to do it and if you think it's fine, anything goes!
About the text thing, that depeneds on one of two things One, is face-to-face or over the phone too hard for you? If you cant get the words out, but are 100% sure you need/want to, then text is for sure not a bad idea. Just dont use it if you can do it a more personal way, because the more personl the better (for the MOST part) Two, is what do you think your friends reactions are going to be? If you think a friend is going to have a positive or accepting reaction i would try and do it personally so they can comfort you right away. Waiting for a response is HORRIBLE, just to let you know.
just some clarification its not my uncle its my brother and i still haven't said something to my friends. as far as the reactions of the people im going to tell i think it will be something like this: OMG FINALLY! and about my mom idk she has been on my side from the beginning when ever i would deny it when i would get confronted by any of my family but idk what she says when im not around and she seems fine with my brother. i also dont want it to look like im just copying my big bro.
I have an older brother too, he is not gay but i understand the relationship. I rely more on my brother for emotional support than anyone else in my family. The fact that he has been through all of this already or atleast has some idea of what its like being confronted with this issue will help you a great deal emotionally, I guarantee you I havnt come out to my brother yet but i have to friends I know will support me. Of course I was skeptical and my heart was racing everytime i thought about tell my friend but sometimes you have to just dive into it not knowing what will happen, and in my experience those dives have worked out for the better every time one way or another I also asked my friends to be discreet about it, they have no problem with that at all theres ALWAYS someone whos got your back, Hope that helps a bit
I know what you mean about being afraid that people might think you're copying your brother or something like that. That was the main reason I waited so long to tell my sister who is also gay and the first person I told. After I did, I could barely remember why I ever thought that. She was (and continues to be) so supportive and actually laughed when I told her why I had hesitated to come out to her. I still have that same fear when I think about telling other people though, but she's definitely helped me to realize that that's not the case... I think it's just a matter of us both becoming more comfortable with ourselves and not worrying about stupid people thinking we're trying to be cool like our big brother/sister. Good luck with everything. I would definitely recommend telling your brother when you feel comfortable enough to do so.
I think in the friends departement, you should choose a few that you REALLY trust. I personally prefer telling in person, it's more real and you can really discuss it, but that's up to you.
