Hi all, I have mixed feelings about coming out - I feel like I shouldn't have to in order to maintain non-romantic relationships, but considering my dad and step-mom, I know they'd rather know that I'm pansexual before I would tell them that I'm in a relationship with someone who doesn't identify as a man (I identify as a woman, and currently, I'm not in any relationship). So here's the situation: I'm currently over 600 miles away from my family in my first year of college. My parents are fairly conservative Christians. I'm honestly not sure how my dad would react - part of me thinks that he would accept me no matter what, but another part of me says that's just wishful thinking on my part. I think my stepmom would probably react negatively, at least initially. When is a good point to come out to them, or should I even come out? I've come out to my good friends from home as well - they both were very supportive of me - and in college, when it's come up, I've had no problem telling people about my sexuality. Then again, I am at a very liberal women's college, where there are many people who don't identify as heterosexual. If I do tell my parents, should it be a Skype-type thing while I'm away, where they could have time to understand and think about what being pansexual means before I visit (because I'm sure that if I told them, they wouldn't know what the word means), or should I tell them when I'm visiting during a break, so that it's in-person, or should I wait until I'm out of college, or just not say anything and let them find out if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't identify as a man? My parents aren't paying for my college tuition so I wouldn't need to worry about not being able to attend my school if I came out and they reacted negatively. I really want to feel like I'm not hiding anything from them, since they would consider this something I'm hiding. I'm would very much appreciate any advice or comments anyone has.
You've got the answer right there. Just do it if you think it'll make you feel any better. Yes, I suggest you use Skype to avoid f2f unnecessary awkwardness.
Hmmm hard to say: I think Skype might be good idea. I know that shock causes a lot of parents to act in ways they otherwise wouldn't. I'm religious and found this really well written article that would be helpful to give them: https://www.gaychristian.net/justins_view.php Just be straight forward and direct. Realize that it may take time for them to accept you but remain hopeful. I hope this is somewhat helpful. ((hugs)) wishing you the best of luck!
I was in a similar situation. I drafted a letter to my parents a few months before I left for college but couldn't work up to send it. When I left for college I sent the letter almost as soon as they left. Just an idea for a strategy.
Since they aren't paying the tuition, I would just tell them. The worst that can happen is that they either never speak to you again or they turn so hostile that you have to cut off ties. If they are not supporting you, it would not put you in any danger if that happens. Of course, I'm sure you'd miss them, but if that happens they were not really worth your time anyways. I don't know them or anything, but that probably wouldn't happen anyways. You may also be surprised and find that they are quite accepting of the whole thing.
