Don't know if I can do this anymore

that sucks.
I guess if you don't feel up to telling your parents then telling your siblings will be a good start, especially since they can help you gauge how your parents will react. I don't think the is put off, i think he's just shocked and maybe afraid that since you haven't been with a guy that you might somehow not be and gay and he doesn't want to be lead on and stuff. I would talk to him about it guess, when he gets back.
It stinks that you can't clear your head, maybe use all your feelings to write/make something artistic will help?
good luck and feel better!

 

Hey, don't let those nasty demons get you down. It really doesn't matter if you have never had sex before with a guy I know your friend was a bit surprised but that doesn't mean to say that this is a turn off for him.

Several people here have come out late in life... Lorenzo (I don't know if he is still active here) was one person who came out in his 50s I think and is now having a wonderful time with his b/f.

Listening to the nagging doubts in your mind will only bring you down and this is the last thing that you need right at the moment. It does seem that telling your brother and sister would be a good thing to do first to get them on your side and give you some support when you feel ready to come out to your parents.

To make things easier on yourself try to imagine the questions that your parents might ask (put yourself in their shoes) and then prepare your answers to them, this will help you feel a bit more confident and avoid you stammering your way through your answers and looking like you are unsure of yourself.

Of course I am not a guy and I am not gay so there is a lot that I can't possibly understand in your situation but I am roughly the same age as you and would be more than happy to chat with you if you want to PM me about this.

 

There is no pressure. If you need to put it off, put it off. But Just remember, the outcome of everything is completely out of our hands. we can do our best to be honest and do the right thing, but in the end we can't engineer how people will react.

Take a deep breathe, un-plug, and give your mind a rest. I like to fish when I need to unplug, or maybe you could go sit in the park for a while or something. Watch the trees sway and clatter together, and remember that those trees will still be there tomorrow. The world isn't ending, and you're gonna be OK. Look down at your arms, nothing broken?

Sticks and Stones man, remember they love you, they just don't know how to feel. What do we do when we're stumped, we get angry. They'll figure something out eventually, but remember that they are going to figure out whatever explanation that protects them psychologically. either that or they really will come around and be cool with it.

So just breathe, relax, and watch the trees for an evening. You need a break.

 

For god's sake, watch the snow!! the point is to get the hell out of your head, it's obviously not a fun place right now. If you don't feel up to coming out yet, then don't do it. why don't you, spend some time focusing on your own stuff right now. Like this guy.

He sounds interested, like you said, you talked last night, so just relax and experience life. Relish in who and what you are right now. Enjoy being gay, and wherever that takes you. There's no mandate on coming out.

Breathe, watch snow, masterbate... whatever gets rid of some of this tension. I don't recommend alcohol though, that can become a habit.

Seriously, empty your mind of everything except for you breathing, and what you see. No thought. When the room gets louder, you know your there. It's time to live one minute at a time. a day is too much right now.

 

Remind your b/f that everybody has a first time ,you just haven't yet.He should understand.
Also ask him how he felt his first time . I bet he felt like you feel now.
As for your parents,you got to do this if/when you're ready. Coming out to your sibs may just make coming out to your parents a little easier. Don't pressure yourself so much.
Things will happen when/if they're supposed to. Take your time. I know you'll be okay,just give yourself a break. Stop obsessing,you're driving yourself nuts! :::HUGS:::

 

Oh no! You were feeling so confident. Don't let something this guy said get you down. You are a wonderful person. (*hug*)

 

I say, do whatever you feel comfortable with as far as the bf goes.

No matter where you go, there you are. neurotic alone, neurotic attached. At least that's the way it goes for me.

 

Remember what I told you about wanting to come out at the "right time". That right time never comes. Stick with your plan.

As far as your guy goes, confront the problem head-on. Don't hope the problem goes away. DEAL with it. Say "You sounded a bit weirded out when I said I'd never done anything with a guy. Why is that? Are you worried that I'll NEVER want to do anything with a guy? Are you concerned about possibly being my first?"

Lex

 

The sex with a guy topic came up with the gay group that I hang out with. I told them that I have not had sex with a guy, or anyone. That did raise a few eyebrows, but we talked about it and everything is cool now. The thing is that they came out when they were teenagers, so they have lived openly their entire adult lives. So really they never knew what it is like to be in the closet and that is their words. So I told them my story and what I felt in the past and how I figured out that I am gay. I have to say I am glad that it came up, because it led into a nearly 2 hour conversation about sex. I learned a lot from that conversation.

So talk to him about it. If he came out as a teenager or a long time ago, he may have just forgotten what it is like to figure out you are gay.

Also don't let the sex thing get you down. Everyone deals with being in the closet differently. Some fake being straight, some sneak off and have sex with men, some become asexual and every point in between.

Have you come out to anyone yet? I thought about coming out to my parents when I visited over the holidays, but I had not come out to anyone. I came out to a friend a few days ago and it felt so great. Honestly the past three days have been the best in my life. I had made some new friends and told them I was gay. That was easy as I was starting from scratch. Telling someone I have known for 3 years, that was hard but so great. Before the whole business just seemed academic. But now... Now it is different. I don't feel like this confused little school boy. It has become real, I am gay and I am proud of it.

Telling my friend I'm gay was the hardest thing I have ever done. I know that telling my parents will be even harder. Sometimes you just have to roll the hard eight and this is one of those time.

 

I am so with you there. I don't think there is anyway to stop them, I think you just have to go with them.

Good luck with coming out to your best friend and sister. You know we are encouraging you, but ultimately you will know when the time is right. I literally decided 10 minutes before I did it. I was working in the lab at work testing cables, and just knew it was time. I finished what I was doing and went and did it.

 

Sorry I did not respond to your post earlier this weekend. One of my kids has been sick and every time I tried, he needed me.

Hang in there. I know this is hard. You and I have lived 40+ years with our parents thinking of us as straight. I think this places a great deal of pressure on us when we come out. This is not an easy thing. I tried to do it with my siblings this weekend and could not, even though I so want to and I know they will be fine.

We grew up at a time when homosexuality was considered a bad thing. That was what was communicated to me by society as I grew up. It is so hard for us because of this. Kids today do not have that social pressure nearly to the same degree as we did. It is natural for you to feel as you do.

Try not to stress too much about it. You will know what the time is right. Take things in small bites.

As for the guy you have been seeing, he should be okay with things once you speak further. And, if he is not, then he was not the right guy for you. If he rejects you because you have never been with a man, then that tells you something about him. Better to learn that early on than later in a relationship.

 

There are plenty of us 40-somethings out here that have had limited-if any experience with man to man sex. Being honest with a potential sexual partner is important so they don't expect more than you can give (or take).

Listen to s5m1...you'll not regret it.