I'm frustrated and drained beyond measures... advice would be appreciated.

I want everyone to know, I want no one to know.

I want to tell my family. I'm terrified of telling my family.

I'm a yoyo, wildly careening from one extreme to the other with barely a stop for breath.

The closet is so safe, but it is a door in front of us that we want to open so we can be ourselves. But we want it locked with the biggest padlock we can find.

You're not alone.

 

I had/ still have this dilemma - I want to come out so badly sometimes, but I'm not "sure" anout anything. Not sure who I am, not sure if I can handle it if the world will know. For me, sometimes it feels like a new assumed identity with new roles and expectations. And I hate that.

But on the other hand a I have this gift or curst (depends how we se it) that if I know something on conscious level I cannot hide it for long from others, it just feels more and more unbearable. I think that's why I kept my sexuality hidden even from myself for so long, on a semi-conscious level.

Coming out to a close friend could really help ( or a not so close one but someone you know they would be understanding), because then you would have someone to talk to about this, or at least someone with whom you could start feeling more like yourself.

Don't give up (*hug*) And feel free to write to me if you need someone to talk to.

 

I felt very similar when I was closeted. If it is reasonably safe for you to do so (physically and emotionally), I suggest that you come out to someone close to you. Coming out doesn't necessarily need to be smashing through the closet with a wrecking ball. You can be completely out when you feel ready.

 

hello lovely person I actually know what you meant when you said that staying in closet was fine at first. When I first realized that I´m bisexual I was like: cool, now I know myself better, I finally admitted it to myself, I feel awesome and nobody has to know that about me.

But eventually, I realized that I need someone to tell because I just couldn´t hold it in me anymore. It was terrible, to keep this secret and have no one to talk with. (but I´m not saying staying in closet is bad, it´s different for everyone and if someone choose to stay in closet it´s completely okay). So I decided to tell someone, I went for my best friend. We know each other for ages and I was sure she will be supportive

Now we get to your words: "I'm supposed to be happy coming up, right? People seem so sure of themselves and they know they want the world to know who they truly are but I DON'T KNOW if I want that. So, where does that leave me?"

As I said, I was sure my best friend will be supportive and I was really eager to tell someone, I just couldn´t keep it secret because it was driving me crazy. I wanted to tell someone that I finally understand who I am and how happy I was with that fact.

Do you think I was sure of myself when I decided to come out to my best friend? No, absolutly not. I wasn´t sure of myself, I was scared, even if I wanted it so much. My point is that I think it´s completely okay to feel scared when you are first coming out (you can feel scared even when you are coming out for fifth or hundredth time), it´s okay to ask yourself if you really want it, it´s okay not to feel absolutly sure.

My advice to you would be that you take your time. Think about it some more, ask yourself questions...but to me, it seems that you already know answer to what you want, or more importantly what you don´t want. Because it seems that you are unhappy in the closet and that it would help you if you tell someone. You don´t have to come out to everyone, for start, one person will do. You´ll find out how it feels to be out, how it affects you, if it makes you more happy or not.

Personaly, I can tell it was amazing for me. I have already said that I was happy merely because I admited to myself that I´m bisexual. But it was nothing compared to moment when I came out to my best friend. I literally felt like I could breathe easier, I don´t think I was ever happy. I couldn´t stop smiling for weeks

Choose someone you trust, it can be someone from family, or a friend. If you are not sure how they are gonna take it, try "prepare" them. Ask them question like: "what do you think about people with different orientation?" or "would you mind being friends with someone who has different orientation" You get me you will find out if they are open minded enough or not.

At the end, it´s you who has final word in the way how you want to come out, or if you want to come out at all I´m not gonna say to you that it´s ease to come out, because it´s not (At least it wasn´t for me, I had to think about it every time I decided to come out to somebody. I actually back up few times and didn´t come out to someone because I realized I´m not ready to tell that specific person yet).

But anyway, follow what you want it´s your choice, but whatever you choose I wish you luck and courage to do the best for you ) have a amazing day/night. I hope I helped a little :smilewave

 

hi I would like to comment on this: "For me, sometimes it feels like a new assumed identity with new roles and expectations. And I hate that. " THAT! True, so much true.

When I first realized that I like boys but also girls I had a problem with label "bisexual". I refused it immediatly. I didn´t even know why, I was really defensive about it. I didn´t want to be called like that. Eventually, I started to think about it more and more, I became frustrated, I wanted to know why it would be such a problem to identify as bi. Days went by (bi lol) and I was constantly thinking about it, I think I was a little depressed because of it.

But I think it´s important to know that you don´t need labels, you don´t have to put yourself into boxes but it´s also important to know that it´s fine when you choose a label Either way, it´s your choice, and every choice you make it´s great and it´s not wrong

Right now, I proudly identify as bi, and I think I found out why I had a problem with it before. Mainly, it was because how people look at us. There is that and that, expectations, stereotypes...they are always people who think they know better definition of bisexuality than you (even when they are not bi). But true is, no one can define you, only you can do that I highly recommend this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AY5gPzm2Zfo&index=1&list=PLmY4L4Q8Xx72UV-RRg93m8oUfSHbGBRrL he is a very smart guy

The second reason why I had a problem with label bisexual is because I was scared it would "chained" me as label "heterosexual" once did. I grow up thinking I am heterosexual, there was nothing else for me, everyone was like: boys, boys, boys...only boys. When I came to hight school and I caught myself imagining kissing or holding hands with a beautifil girl I told myself that I am just curios! I couldn´t be lesbian right?! I didn´t even think about bisexuality...I couldn´t be right? I´m hetero!

It makes me sick to write about it, because the label that was put on me when I was born was holding me back. I always knew that I´m not completely , but I finally admited it to myself when I was 21, I could have been that happy for such a longer time. If only, my label wouldn´t holding me back.

So it´s totally okay, not to choose a label, for whatever reason you want I accepted bisexuality, but you can say that I´m not letting it define me, you know what I mean? I´m proud to be bisexual but I´m not letting it chained me as heterosexuality did. I have open eyes, and when it comes time when I will feel that this label it´s not okay for me I won´t hesitate to let it go but I´m really comfortabe with who I am and how I identify right now

have a beutiful day/night