Hello there! So... I'm like, really struggling with this. Just so I don't have to retell my story, here is a link to my introduction where I explain how I came to the realization I was bi: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/welcome-lounge/193123-hi.html So, the thing is, I'm starting to feel like I'm ready to come out to my family, but something is still holding me back, and I really don't know what it is... Every time I go to tell either my mother or brother/sister, my stomach sinks like a rock and I instantly lose my courage. And that's when it starts.. a case of 'what if?' What if I end up being straight after all? What if I tell them this, and it's not who I actually am? The thing is, though... when I'm not immediately confronted with that situation, I'm very confident that that's who I am. I mean... I have crushed on girls since middle school, more recently have crushed hard for a celebrity and a classmate, and have actually started to have sexual thoughts of being with a woman. I am even on a dating website trying to find someone to date. I really see NO way that I could possibly be straight. And my friend who knows agrees that I am without a doubt bisexual. But... as soon as I think of telling my family, I can't help but fear that I really am straight? Does anyone have some advice? I'm so confused right now... It's like, I want them to know, and then I don't. *sigh* Anything would be really, really appreciated!
This is totally normal, don't worry! It can be a really big thing to come out, even to really accepting people. And it's often the hardest to come out to the people you're closest to. Why? Because you think they know you the best, so telling them something big like this they might not expect and could change everything. But you have to remember that if they're your family, they'll come to accept you. It's just like them getting to know a little more about you that they didn't before. No matter how you feel, it's easy for your nerves to get the best of you when you come close to actually putting it out there in the open. Maybe think about why you want to tell them so you can reassure yourself of that. Even in the moment when you're trying to tell them, even if you get doubts, just remember that no matter what you're going to listen to what you told yourself before because you know deep down this is what you want and it's your time to tell them. If your family's accepting, they'll come to terms with it and it'll all be good. And then you'll wonder why it was even so hard to tell them in the first place, because you'll realize that even if they are surprised, even if they didn't expect it, it's just something they're learning about you and once it's all said and done it's not like you changed or anything. You're still you, they just know more about you. If it's easier, maybe you could write a letter or something. Sometimes it's good to set a goal or deadline for yourself to get it out of the way, but that doesn't always work for everyone. I tried to tell my friend several times and then one day I didn't even plan to, I just kind of did. It works differently every time and for different people, so just have faith in your own feelings and once you get through the telling them part, it will be fine. Best of luck! But you don't even need luck because I'm sure you'll do fine
Aww, thank you so much! That does make me feel so much better. I guess one thing I'm worried about, too, is that while my family is VERY accepting and in favor of gay people/ gay rights, they've never really talked about those who are bi. Maybe I have a small fear that they feel differently about that? I'm also worried because they know I am really close to my gay friend, and that they'll somehow think she has something to do with it. :/ But in all honesty, we're only so close because I came out to her a year and a half ago. She's the only one I felt that would understand when I was still so confused about it all. And so I really shouldn't pay it much mind that I'm afraid that I might still be straight in the end? X) That these feelings will just 'go away', even though I've been having signs since middle school? Not sure why that's such a big fear to me. Thank you soooo much again! Your words are so kind and reassuring!
I told my brother today! He was sooo cool about it and I feel so much better after just telling him! ^^ I know there's still a lot ahead of me, but I feel like that is probably going to be the hardest one.
well that's one family member down and now an ally :icon_bigg i felt the same telling my parents last winter. i found it's like jumping in a cold lake, don't think too much just jump and the water will be fine. my parents are older and very religious, as in evangelical religious. they were fine with it, said it was my life to live and they loved me anyway.
That's awesome! It's great that you told your brother, sometimes you just need to do it one step at a time, and it probably feels great knowing he has your back. Maybe you could even ask him to help you come out to your mom/sister or ask him for advice on how to tell them. Maybe you could tell just your sister next if you wanted. Sometimes it's easier being one-on-one as opposed to telling multiple people at once. Good luck! I'm rooting for you(&&&)
Thanks, guys! ^^ I told my sister tonight! She was also so accepting and told me that most of her friends aren't even straight, lol, so she's very familiar and cool with it. She also gave me really good advice for coming out to our mom, and eventually our dad (though he doesn't live around me, so I'm not as worried about telling him right away). She was just really, really great and supportive! ^^ I'm going to try to come out to my mom tomorrow... My sister thinks she's going to be totally fine with it. And you know what? All of those fears that I had are fading away the more open with myself I'm being! ^^ I'm feeling more and more confident now. Thank you guys SO much!
Still can't get up the nerve to come out to my mom... As well as it went with my brother and sister, the fear is still incredibly intense. My biggest fear is that she won't believe me when I tell her... How am I ever going to do this? I can't imagine a world where she knows....
I told my mom today! It went really well, too! ^^ She couldn't understand why I didn't tell her sooner... I just explained to her that it's a hard thing even when you know the person you're telling is going to be supportive. She just told me that all she wants is for me to be happy, and that I need to be true to myself. Words cannot explain the relief I feel!
