Building Up Courage

Whenever I imagine telling anyone I always picture this scenario where I sit my mum and sister down and have this speech ready that I deliver perfectly and they understand immediately how I feel. In reality I don't think these situations happen that often. I think that the conversation is going to be very nervous and awkward and it's going to be hard to get the words out my mouth. Maybe the best way is to just bite the bullet and do it instead of wracking your brains for the perfect time and moment... good luck whatever happens, and I know the feeling of just wanting everyone to know and wishing that whole scenario was over and done with.

 

Hey guys!

This is to not just the OP but to "bounced" too. I have just recently came out to my parents last night and I had to smile, reading your posts because it's so similar to my situation! It is incredibly difficult and nerve-racking to come out, especially those close to you, like your parents. It's a very personal issue and you're basically opening up your personal life to those close to you.

Once you get the ball rolling in coming out, then it gets a bit easier, I think. But it's hard to start, right? For the last couple of weeks, I wanted to come out to my mom first. I knew it was smart to come out to the person you trust the most, the person you think will be the most supportive and open. I knew it would be my mom so I decided to come out to her first. So I came to her while she was checking her texts. In the last couple of weeks, it was hard to get started because she works a lot and gets tired and I didn't want to do it at a bad time. Once I found my chance, I tried like all day trying to come out to her but just found a reason not to like she's busy cooking or whatever. Last night, she was relaxed and checking her texts and I just started talking to her to get the ball rolling and testing the water. I asked her how she felt about gay people and as a mother, what she would say if her own child was gay. Then once I got more comfortable and confident, I just went ahead and and told her that I liked girls. I was completely nervous before, just shaking and wasn't sure if I was going to pass out or get nauseous or both lol. My heart was pounding for sure. After I told her, it started to get a little easier to tell my dad because I knew I had my mom's support. Now that they both know, I'm ready to tell my sister without so much anxiety. So it helps to tell a lot of people who love you but sometimes, it can be hard to tell others, depending on their views. Who you tell is your decision, not anyone else's.

But when I did come to her before saying anything, I knew I just had to do it. I was struggling for weeks to do it and getting frustrated with myself for not doing so and stressing out about it. I hated the feeling every night of getting stressed out about trying to come out. Then I realize that you just gotta do it! I had a choice. Either stress out every night trying to do it before chickening out, forget about it completely or just do it!

It helped me when my mom was just relaxed and we were just talking about other stuff. You don't have to go up to them and say "I'm gay" as the first words. Just hang out, chat about stuff or whatever then build up to it. Then when the time is right, just go for it! You'll know when the time is right. If you're like freaking out and can't bring yourself to talk about it then the time probably isn't right. I think it's all about the mood and the time of things. You just feel it.

I've played different scenarios in my mind, too, on how bad or good it would go. I'd think the worst most of the time. But the thing is, you just never know! Even if you think they'll be ok with it, it's the unpredictability of it that's pretty scary. Life is pretty unpredictable. But think about the possibilities. How does your family feel about gay people now? Are they religious? Nowadays, it's gotten more accepting over the last few years or more so more people don't really care anymore. My parents don't. I mean, they do but it doesn't bother them or change a thing about me for them. They only care that as long as I'm happy then it's all good. They know that I'm an adult and I can do whatever I want and I'm old enough to understand myself. If I was 15, then it'd be a different story. At 15, you're still trying to figure yourself out, your body's changing, hormones are kicking in and all of that.

Sorry, I'm rambling. Bottom line? Just talk to your family about what they think about GLBT issues, how they feel about gay people. Find the right time and the right mood, just hang out with them and build into it slowly until the time is right. You'll know when it is. Just be totally honest.

Why don't you read my post about how I did it last night? Maybe it'll help some.

 

The first thing is to not put pressure on yourself or be frustrated with the fact that you're nervous. Because it's very normal to get nervous, simply because it's a nerve-wracking experience in most cases. Coming out to those closest to you is the hardest, because you think they know so much about you that telling them something like this will throw everything off-kilter. But that's not how it is. Your family is accepting and telling them this is great because then they'll know that much more about you and you'll be sharing something big with them, which they'll surely appreciate and it will probably make your relationship stronger.

It takes courage to accept yourself first off so just know that you have that courage in you going into it. Yeah, going into it in the moment will feel very scary and you might feel like you're not ready, but you've expressed that this is what you really want, so no matter how you feel in the moment just keep reminding yourself that this is what you want and what is best for you.

It's one of those things that you just have to make yourself do even if it's scary, but in the end you know it'll be fine.
Since your family's accepting, I'm sure after you tell them you'll wonder why you were so scared in the beginning. It's just easy to get nervous and make it a big thing in your mind. But you're just sharing something with your family that they didn't know about you before, which isn't really a big deal in the long run and happens all throughout your life as you grow and change anyway.

Don't doubt that you have the courage in you and don't let your nerves get the best of you. Even if you try to tell them a couple times and you get scared, don't put pressure on yourself because that's normal. It's not an easy thing. Just keep your eyes on your goal. After you tell them, it will seem so easy but you won't get there if you don't take that moment and just tell them.
You can do it!(!)