So I've 100% come to terms with being gay. I've slowly come out to my immediate family (who weren't accepting due to religious reasons, but we're still close). I even came out to some coworkers a few years ago (which was very awkward and didn't really get talked about afterwards). But like I said, I am 100% comfortable with myself--when I'm alone. I'm back at college now, and some of my friends and classmates are gay. I hang out with them and their significant others, but I haven't come out to them. I'm not sure if they have a clue about me or not, because I'm very shy (social anxiety, which I'm hoping to work on in therapy soon), and while they talk about gay issues a lot, they never ask me directly. Sometimes I think they must have guessed and are just waiting for me to speak up. What I can't figure out is why I'm so afraid to just say, "Hey, you know, I'm actually gay too." I've had so many chances to say something, but I always get nervous and tell myself it wouldn't fit into the conversation, etc. :bang: Maybe it's because coming out has never been a positive thing for me before?
It's not for me to say, but your suspicion that your difficulty coming out could be related to your prior experiences seems like a likely explanation. In my own experience, while I've not previously had difficult comings out (then again, I've not come out to my parents yet, and that one's probably going to suck), I do have a couple of friends whom I know would be accepting, but to whom I've not come out yet. You talk about feeling like it wouldn't fit into the conversation; that's pretty much how I'd describe my reason for having not brought it up yet. For going on two years with these friends, I've been waiting for the perfect time (e.g. "So, what kind of women do you like?"), and it hasn't happened yet. In this case for me, it'll either be a matter of continuing to be patient and wait for the flawless opportunity, or getting over it and coming out in a less relevant context.
That ideal question you mentioned is exactly what I've been waiting for too, but since my gay friends probably know I'm gay, I doubt they're ever going to say it! So yeah, I'll have to be brave at some point and bring up the subject myself. I just get jittery thinking about it, though. Which makes no sense.
A lot of people feel anxious about coming out naturally. I agree that it may because of previous experiences. What do you think?
