Ex's (or not really)"Try This"

"a note to you, all of you (well many) cont."

So I did this thing recently where I kinda said a LOT about all these guys I've been talking to or I have a history with.. in a LONG message. Short version- I wrote and posted for viewing by them, the stuff I always wanted to tell them but never did. All of these guys for me weren't actually ex's since none were my "BF" just a bunch of guys who messed me up this past year in some way or another.

I FELT MUCH BETTER afterwards. SO brings me to an idea for a thread.. a "Tell All: Get Off Your Chest" opportunity. It's helpful to just say it all and how I felt and then be able to look back and be happy you got to say it. I'll start things off with mine:

and then other EC peeps can discuss, so moral support and personal healing.. win/win(&&&)


Each new paragraph is me addressing someone different.


I guess I have to start with him. The first and only person whom I've had this feeling for. How funny that all the cliches suddenly seem true when it's happening to you? But it wasn't a happy ending for me, and yet the cliches remain, the feeling of wanting you to exist and be happy even if its not with me, or how it hurts so much yet you still want to be around that person. All I know is I tried, and thats all that can be said. I was honest, even if it was inconvenient or uncomfortable for you. I said my peace. I went through the bitterness already when I first tried to get over you, the "what was I thinking" and bashing you.... But I cleared my head and still see what we could have been, how compatible we are. Compatibility isn't enough though, you need a spark and while I was the dry grass ready to ignite- you were the soggy paper who never would have caught. So you left me this brittle grass who never got to burn. The person who everytime I speak to you, has me perk up with the thought that maybe... just maybe. You brought me to be this person, one of the Many. But it's not your fault, I should have been stronger to stay constant and not let you effect me. In the end I know we will never be. But you will always effect me in some way.

To the one.. out of all of them who I felt somewhat complete with. I don't really have much negativitey to say to you because all the time we spent together I felt that it was more of what I was looking for, than with anyone else. We just didn't click. I was more myself with you than others if you take any pride in that. Kinda my first date that night we went to Chili's. So thank you really, for showing me that at least a tiny bit of what I'm hoping to find can be true.

You, oh confusing/young/mysterious soul. I ALMOST JUST ALMOST would have used you to get over him. As bad as that sounds.. I think you would have been my life preserver in saving me if we had started when I wanted. I was on a freaking roll or so I thought and then you up and go get a BF!!!!!!!!!! I don't get you. I know you somewhat better now and I STILL don't get you completely. But I have since changed and now I'm not the person you could be happy with. So I mourn for the fact that we didn't get to try. I'm to blame for feeling like I felt for you because I can figure the jist of people very early and I got yours fast. You're a good guy. I hope you find what you're looking for and unlike me.. don't compromise yourself-- you're so idealistic still. Its admireable and still a bit saddening because when you're looking for something so defined.. you're likely to get let down frequently. (I should know)

The infamous/controversial "Jack"-Attack. I kinda have an understanding now of why you are like you are. But you will never know the pain I went through to see how much you are like THEM- the stereotype of not being "exclusive" or monogomous. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING OF DOING WHAT YOU DID? WITH THAT PERSON OUT OF EVERYONE? Who did you think you were that they would have just agreed and hurt me like that? I have a LOT of bitterness toward you that I've been nice enough to keep to myself- and take out on the other person involved. BUT IT WAS YOU WHO STARTED IT ALL. It's extremely rare for me to find someone out there who I feel "potential" with.. and you were one of them. I just would have never guessed you'd do what you did. Like I said in the beginning I now know some of your woes.. so I can sympathize.. but still there is a mature way of handling what you did. That blog I wrote "dear book" was for you. I just have to say that much at least. I was ready.. to know you.. to ..well read it! Not anymore. I will forever go on with a grudge towards other guys because of what you did.




I guess this was really one sided in who this was meant to target in my life. But if I want to move on.. I need to deal. This is my coping. I'm far from perfect.