I'm kind of in need of some advice :/ Well, my girlfriend and I have been dating for two months. We've been best friends for years and I can honestly say there's nobody I know better... She's pretty amazing :] Anyway, I'm a senior in high school. Naturally, everyone in my grade is in a college frenzy. So here's the problem. My girlfriend has told me before that she really wants to go to college with me. Even before we started dating, I remember thinking that I didn't want to lose her, so I'm definitely in the same boat. On top of that, she also said she wanted to DORM with me. I'd be lieing if I said I didn't want to, but I know it's a bad idea. If we're still together in college, which I really think we will be, it can definitely wait until we're a little older. She wants to study nutrition/diatetics. Not many univerisities carry that major. The Minneapolis campus does and then one in North Dakota. She's really leaning towards North Dakota and it's very apparent she wants me to as well. I've really tried to think about it.. and honestly, the university isn't very appealing. They have the areas I would like to study, there's nothing really wrong with it.. it's just another school.. But we still both applied. Would it be wrong to go to a school just to be with my girlfriend? I feel like this is so right and that it would be worth it, but I guess I need more opinions. I've been looking at a school in Duluth for years... since jr. high, actually. It's the perfect school for me, but I feel like I'd rather compromise education than a relationship. I have a friend who's a few years older and also gay that was telling me this is a bad idea, and that I really need to tell her how I feel about this. She told me that making a large sacrifice like that isn't a good idea because subconciously I'd always regret it or expect something in return... which is more or less true. I feel like she always wants me to follow her dreams... about everything, really. College, where to live, etc. Problem is, I want to follow her because I want to be with her, not becuase I agree with all of them.
personally i think its a bad decision to choose a school just because your boy/girlfriend is going to that school. you need to choose a school that really fits you (academically, geographically...etc) you are gonna prepare yourself for the future in college, and choosing certain college just because ur gf is going? thats kinda ruining ur future imo. and its not like ur not gonna have other love life other than this one. idk u gotta follow ur own heart. just think about it rationally-its ur future, u gotta decide it. hope everything goes well.
I'm sorry, but I agree with JRNY. I don't think you should sacrifice your education and your future for your girlfriend. If you are meant to be together, then you should try and make it work long distance. Duluth is in Minnesota, right? Well, that's right next to North Dakota. But, (and I feel bad saying this), you're probably not going to have the same partner for the rest of your life, but you'll always need your education. I think you should go to the school that fits you best.
Seconded. I really recommend against choosing a school to be with your significant other. Not to sound like a teacher or an after-school special, but getting the best education possible should always be your #1 priority in choosing a university. Also extremely important like JRNY said is "fitting" with your university, which won't be likely if you choose your girlfriend's college of choice and not yours.
BAD BAD! VERY BAD! DON'T DO IT!! Alright...now that that's said...let me explain why. I was with my boyfriend since junior year in high school. I thought I wanted to be a music major and he knew that's what he wanted to do. I didn't want to be apart from him. I wanted to go to BW. I loved it there. The place was like home walking around. He wanted to go to OU. BW's music program turned me down but I still got into the college. I coulda gone there on a full ride. But I didn't. I went to the school I hated (OU) with my boyfriend. (Seriously, I cried when we dropped him here a week before school started for band camp because i was leaving him in a place i hated so much.) I've gone through a ton of ups and downs with him here. It would have been so much easier if I had said "Screw You! Im going to BW." But I didn't. I went with the guy I loved. We've broken up twice since we've been here and I've gotten pregnant and had an abortion. (But don't think with your gf though you'll have to worry about pregnancy.) I was sure the boyfriend was the guy i wanted to marry. We're back together, but since all the break ups, I'm not sure where the relationship is headed. And keep in mind people change their majors all the time. I went from wanting to be a music therapist (the reason i wanted to go to OU or BW was for their music programs) to wanting to be an english major, to now being in Early Childhood Education. Its very likely you'll want to change your major once you get to school. And its likely your girlfirned will too. And then you'd be in North Dakota for no reason at all at a place you hate. I am begging you...please...please don't make the same mistake I did. It's not good. Go to college where you want to. If the relationship is meant to be it'll work out wherever you go to school. It doesn't matter what your girlfriend says about it. Go where you'll be happy. If she says "it won't work out if we go to different schools" then your relationship won't work out while your at the same school because she's not willing to do anything she can to keep you together. Trust me hun. Please take my advice. I know your not the same person as me, but I have been in your exact situation. Do what's right. At this point in life, your education is much more important than any relationship, no matter how much you love that person.
thirded, lol Also, I noticed that you said you've only been dating for 2 months... That is not enough time to base a decision like this on. You education is much more integral to the rest of your life than this, and as Myra said, if she doesn't think you two can survive through a LDR, living together and going to the same uni won't work either. I wish you good luck with whatever path you decide to take, and I hope you don't regret it in the future.
Thanks for all of the advice guys.. I was kind of expecting these answers :/ You guys are right... and Minnesota is right next to North Dakota. I've not even tied down to any major ideas currently, plus most universities have the areas I'm looking at. I'm going to talk to her about this next time the subject comes up. Or, whenever I have the guts to talk about it. We're going to take a mini-road trip in a month or two to go tour it. If I honestly like the univeristy is it still a bad idea?
If you really truly like the uni your gf is going to better than the one you had planned to go to, then I don't see why not, but only if you really, truly like it...
I'm afraid that when I tour it I'll somehow convince myself it's amazing when it's really not... but I'm hoping I sincerely like it. And who knows- I haven't even toured Duluth yet. I may end up hating it.
Trust me...if you don't like the university, youre not going to be able to convince yourself that you like it. I tried telling myself on the tour of OU that I loved it and it was pretty and all that...but it didn't work. I still hated it. Its best just to be honest with yourself.
I do not dispute the fact that you and your girlfriend will work, but I would like to tell you a story about myself: I am a grade higher than my ex, whom we'll call Jane. Jane and I were best friends my last 2 years of high school, and no one knew me better than her. No one knew her better than me. We started dating right after she graduated high school. She was all set to go to another school but also had gotten accepted to the school I go to. I cared about her education and happiness, so I told her to go to the other school, but she ended up switching all her plans and coming to my school. It worked really well. . . for a while. She ended up moving in with me after her first semester. We broke up 2 weeks after the spring semester ended. My situation is not that far from yours. First, I want to tell you that if she really REALLY cared about YOU then she would not be pressuring you to go to a school that she knows you don't want to go to. Second, people grow up. People change. I am definately not saying you two won't make it, but I want you to be smart about it. I don't think you two should live together, either. What you need to do is sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel. If you two really are as close as you say you are (which I don't doubt) then it shouldn't be bad. Good luck with it all!
I agree with what's been said. Choosing a college is a huge decision. You have to pick a place that you know you'll be happy, regardless of whether you're single or in a relationship. I'm not saying that you guys won't last or anything like that. No one knows what the future will bring, and that's the point. You need to pick a place that you know you'll love being at for the next 4 years regardless of what happens with anything else in your life. I've known friends that went to schools that they didn't really care for, and regardless of the reason, they all ended up regretting it. I'd also 2nd that living together might not be such a good idea either. College is about exploring yourself, meeting new people and getting involved in new things and new experiences. Couples that go to school together inevitably miss out on all those opportunities b/c they spend so much time with each other. They end up walling themselves off from the rest of the school. For what it's worth. 2 of my friends from high school that have been dating since the 10th grade just got married and they said that going to separate schools was the best decision they ever made. Good luck with it all. Kat22 is right, if she cares about you she won't try and pressure you into something.
You're right.. It's naive to say, but somehow we made it through all of junior high and high school without ever having a fight. Not saying it won't happen, it just hasn't yet. We've been joint at the hip for the past six years. Still, living together would be too much of a risk. Not gonna lie though, I'm still really confused about college. I'm going to talk to her about it this weekend :/
im sure she's gonna understand. make sure u talk to guidance counselor if ur confused-u should consider best possible option-for instance, which college is likely to give you most merit scholarships and such. but yea, choosing a right college is really hard...im having a headache too
