Hiya I'm coming out to my mum today, because I planned to around the time of Coming Out day (on the day I had to finish off an essay). She's one of the last people I'm telling, but also I'm the most anxious about telling. She's supportive of LGBT people but I don't know if she'll be supportive if it's her own child... if that makes sense. She had a hunch that I might have been gay in high school, but that was pre me dating a guy for a long time. I sent her a text yesterday because we were going to catch up today anyway asking her if I could talk to her about something, but not to worry because it wasn't anything bad. She said that's okay... But I think she half expects me to tell her that I have a boyfriend. Ahhhh, this is going to end either really good or really, really bad idk. :eusa_doh: Also decided to come out as "bi" to her. I usually avoid the label completely but I think maybe it will be easier... Even though she's expressed that she doesn't get bi people before.. Feeling: super nervous :icon_sad:
Thankyou Shadowsylke (*hug*) I need many many hugs :icon_sad: Hmm, but it will be good to not have to censor myself anymore when talking about a future partner and finally be out. How did your mum react??
Yeah, I totally understand this. I knew my mom was accepting of gay people but also I was very worried it'd be different because I am her daughter. Luckily, it went well and she said it didn't make a difference because I'm her child or daughter. The thing is I'm not a child anymore and both she and my dad understood that. I notice you're not a child either so I guess it's easier to convince people of your sexual orientation when you're not a child because you're at that age when you now fully understand yourself, who you are and who you are attracted to. So to some parents, it doesn't matter. It's your life. I also went through a "bi" phase when I was younger but that was when hormones were kicking in and I was still trying to figure it out but then I realized no matter how many boys I hung out with in school, I was still attracted to girls. Now I'm older and understand myself now so I identify myself as lesbian instead of bi. I just never felt that attraction to boys like I did with girls. I guess it's harder to understand if you're bi because you're not just attracted to one gender but both. Just be totally honest about how you feel about girls and guys. Are you actually attracted to just girls or both? A lot of lesbians go out with guys in school trying to figure it out or for other reasons like to make their parents happy. If you're attracted to both guys and girls then you could say you're bi but if you're actually attracted to just girls then well... you are. It's normal to be nervous. Many of us are pretty nervous before coming out but at the end, at least you told your mom the truth and she knows and it's your life. I was super nervous too! When I came out to my mom, I made sure she was relaxed and not too busy then we just started hanging around, chatting about different stuff and it came up. First, I tested the water like asking her for sure how she felt about gay people, if she knew anyone who was gay and what if her own child was gay, would it make a difference etc.... before I actually told her. Good luck!
Thanks so much for sharing your story Liz!! It was really interesting to read. She is coming here in less than an hour and I just went for a walk to calm my nerves, but still... uhhhh. Oh yeah, I totally get the I'm not a child thing anymore and I'm an adult now, so I can say with confidence what my feelings are in regards to my sexuality and it's not like she can say I'm confused or something I guess. I am -mainly- attracted to girls, but I mean I am sometimes attracted to guys too, just much much more rarely, but not enough that I could ever say that I would never be in a relationship with one. I would prefer to be with a girl, but if I fell in love with someone and they happened to be the other gender (or non-binary or something) I don't think it would really matter. I think it's kind of fluid in that way.... This is why I avoid labels :eusa_doh: I'm so happy to hear that your mum was accepting!!!! That's such a positive outcome!!! Thank you for your reply, it helps a lot (*hug*)
If I were you I wouldn't say bi if you aren't really bi. You'll probably regret it later. Also if she's accepting of LGBT why wouldn't she accept you? It seems like you're just worrying for no reason.
Yep, yep, you can walk across the globe and still be nervous... if you're not exhausted first :lol: But seriously, I'm sure everyone else is different but the only way I got over my anxiety of coming out is just by doing it. I did it and they accepted it. Now it's done. Not sure I understand what you mean but it does sound to me you might be mostly lesbian if you're not interested in guys at all. Maybe you just find certain guys attractive while you don't feel that way about other guys? IDK. I'm not bi so it's just simple for me. I would avoid labels, too. Less confusing that way. ---------- Post added 14th Oct 2015 at 06:34 PM ---------- If her parents do not accept that she's LGBT, then yes, she has a reason to worry. It is not unusual to be accepting of LGBT but not accept that your child is gay. For some parents, it's different when it's your own child. I think nowadays, that's not the case most of the time but I do believe it still happens. In my case, my parents are accepting of LGBT and of me as their daughter but I don't think every parent feels that way. It's their own child/daughter/son we're talking about. Those parents raised that child, not someone else's child. Your parents are the most important people in your life so it's normal to be worried. The thing is some people don't know how a parent would react if they found out their child is gay unless they just ask. Maybe be discreet or ask hypothetically. I had to. When I found out my mother would be ok if her child was gay, that made it so much easier and I told her. I did ask in another thread why I was still scared even if I thought my parents would be ok with it. Couple of helpful replies I got here.
It's gonna be nerve racking no matter what and fair enough. The fact the someone is accepting of LGBT doesn't change that.
Ahh, yeah, maybe this isn't as easy as it seems I guess... She -is- accepting of other LGBT people, but she has suspected that I might not be straight in the past and gotten really angry, which I know doesn't make a lot of sense. Basically, if it's friends or something or someone she doesn't know she's all good, but I've felt like she's always been against me being LGBT for some reason... and I said that I was bi because I feel more that than gay or straight. I wouldn't cross out a relationship with a guy, just that the attraction generally is less. Yeah, I used bi, but tried to introduce it without a label. It was just too hard because she didn't understand. So I just said bi, but then she said, "I don't get it. I don't get where this came from. You were ready to marry your ex BF etc. etc." And I said yes, that's because I'm not gay. I've always been attracted to girls and guys and I really loved him and did want that, but I wanted to tell her this now because I'm ready to move on from that relationship and there's the possibility that it might be a girl (or guy) and either way I didn't want that to be a massive shock to her... Yep. It was nerve wracking. The hardest thing I've told her... But I came out. I'm not sure what she thinks at the moment... She was just sitting shocked for a lot of the time, and thought that I was gay rather than bisexual because it was like she couldn't understand how you could like both and unnnnng, I just need some time to think about this too. She sent me a message tonight saying that she expected me to say that, and it had been obvious, but I really think at the time it seemed like she had no idea... Hmmmm, I'm going to sleep :icon_sad: I feel so confused about her reaction and tired. Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts.
