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need to come out to one of my best friends but he says he loves me :(

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ruby421, Oct 16, 2015.

  1. ruby421

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    ok so i know this guy, lets call him Alex, well i have known Alex for about 5 months and a few months ago, before i really started questioning my sexuality, he told me he loved me....and i said it back :eusa_doh: i do love him..but not in that way, i thought friend love was good enough..it isn't and i told him i didn't want to date that i wasn't ready but i didn't really know why, well i have an idea of why now (i like girls *gasps* shocker right!)

    but i have told him i love him, and he has a huge crush on me but completely respected my wishes to not date, and he is so sweet and considerate, but i need to tell him the truth, however i am only out to my best friend and i thought i was going to be sick when i came out to her.
    i don't know if i am ready to do that again it was terrifying, and i don't want to lose him as a friend and i told him i had always had a crush on him...but it wasn't a real crush if you know what i mean, like i really liked him and i wanted to have a crush on him, so i convinced myself that i did,
    i have been avoiding him for two weeks now and he deserves to know why but i don't know if i can admit it yet. any advice?
     
  2. Zen fix

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    Maybe try coming out to some of your easier friends or family.
     
  3. TheBiBoy

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    Coming Out is tough trust me! You need to know when the time is right and I personally think you should be the only one who decides if the time is right. Don't make up lies why you don't want to date him as when you do want to come out it may make things worse. I know you may already know this and I understand that this is why you want to come out to him. Did you come out to any other person such as another friend or family member? If not it may be easier to come out to one of these as Zen fix said already. He is right in a sense but you would want to make sure the other friend you come out to will be trusted enough not to tell anyone and keep privacy about your orientation. This is why I think it would be easier to come out to family first. It doesn't have to be your parents, it could be cousin(s), siblings, aunts or uncles or even grandparents. Just who you feel you can trust the most.

    I know you are questioning but just for this post, lets say you are lesbian(not saying you are, just using that as an example). It may be easier if you don't just say 'I'm lesbian'. It might be better to ease whoever you are telling into the subject of LGBT first and then tell them your orientation. If you don't know what to do here I will try to help.

    So here it goes, do you know anybody or any t.v star that is LGBT? If you do you can talk to the trusted person about this person. You could say something like this: 'Do you know(I will call her Sandra.Pretend lgbt tv star) Sandra?The character on .....(Your show here)?' and they say 'Yes.What about her?' you could then say 'She is lesbian. I still like her as a t.v star even if she is lesbian.' You can talk more about this person if you want but I will cut to the chase. 'Oh, I like girls. In other words I am lesbian. I hope you understand how hard it was for me to come out. I was scared that you would reject me' That is an example of what you could say. And hopefully, if all goes well and the person is really nice they will accept you and may ask you a few questions but once you make sure they understand how hard it was for you to come out everything should be ok.And also tell them that you don't want them telling anyone. This is why it may also be easier to come out to somebody else than your parents.

    The moral of the story? Come out whenever you feel it is right. And after coming out to someone you trust it may be easier then to come out to Alex.

    Good Luck,
    TheBiBoy
     
  4. Gay1234

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    To me it seems that you are very confused. You dont need to come out to him until you are ready and are confident about your sexuality. I'd say dont tell anyone of you are still questioning as you might say you are lesbian and then find out your not. If this happens they will still be talking about it even tho you are not lesbian. You are probably better off to know for sure then tell people. This is just my opinion but if you choose to follow my advice, just when you are over the questioning and if you really turn out lesbian take your own time with coming out. I came out to my brother and my dad and I am taking my time and me taking my time puts all the anxiety to rest until I am able to come out to the next person.

    I wish you the best of luck with your journey ahead.
     
  5. Maskell

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    I'd do it. It seems like a good opportunity; he'll be a lot less down about being rejected if you tell him once you've got your orientation sorted out.

    Good luck either way. :thumbsup: