Coming out feels like hell when i haven't even completed it. Its so hard to sleep knowing one day I will have to come out, I'M TIRED OF LIVING A LIFE OF LIES. I tried almost everything to get my mind off of it. I talk to a counselor every day. And am always looking for a way to come out. I've tried coming before, but my mouth freezes and my body is uncooperative. HECK! I even tried suicide jeez. What an idiot I was, suicide is never the answer. Everyday i'm always hoping that i'm just going through a phase and i'm actually hetero. I don't want to live in this nightmare anymore...I'm sick of it. And its as simple as coming out which is something I can't afford to do. Especially if my family doesn't accept me, which i'm 99.9% sure. If I were to come out to a friend I know they will tell, even if they are trustworthy. Why? Because they will think a friend of theirs is trustworthy and so on to the next person. I usually hope something bad happens to me in a car or any situation. In my head I would go. "I hope the car will hit me" or "I hope this roller coaster breaks and kills me". There is no point in life if your existence is obsolete. I really don't give two shits about life right now. The only things keeping me here is my anime, SU&friend on bus.
You know, you don't need to force yourself to come out any time soon if you're still uncomfortable about it. Take your time but don't take forever. I understand how it can be frustrating but you really need to hang in there. It's cliché to say but things do get better. About your family, sometimes we think that they can't accept or love us but it really depends. You know them best. Try to gauge their reactions and ask yourself "Would they really give me up if they knew I was gay?" if yes, it might be better to wait until you can be independent. If something happens, I am sure there is a support group in your area for people who are going through the same dilemma. Look for them. You are not alone. Harming yourself or having thoughts about it is normal but never give in to them. Nothing good will ever come out if you hurt or kill yourself. You're also robbing yourself of the opportunity to live a good life in the future. You might find yourself happier in the days, months or years to come. Don't ever lose hope. Just because it's dark now doesn't mean it's going to stay dark for the rest of your life. You're young so you'll still meet nice people and even jerks who'll break your heart and do mean things but that is life and that's what makes it so beautiful. Be strong. Have a little faith in yourself. You'll be okay.
Dont beat yourself up because of your sexuality. Im really happy for you that you realized suicide was never the best option. You dont need to rush yourself. Have your parents ever said anything homophobic? If yes then wait until you are more independent and have a place to stay and have money just in case the worst happens and they reject you. Dont get me wrong I am not saying they will reject you. Dont take it that I am saying they will reject you, some might but yours might be more accepting than others, I am just saying the worst possible. I know it can be tough to come out. What worked for me when I came out to my dad was I texted him as I feel way more comfortable with texting. After I got the texting over with me and my dad talked and I found it was much easier to talk as he knew I was gay due to the texts. He took it really well and I am delighted. I wish you best of luck and I hope it goes as easy as it did for me.
I totally agree with the last two posts. It's okay to take your time. It's also fine to wait until you are more independent from them. It may also be helpful to meet people you know are accepting before you come out. You'll be able to go to them for support before and after. If you plan on going to college, many have groups for LGBT people and allies.
