This is my first post on the first day of registration... I was never so eager to be myself until recently. Previously I would just hide and try to act like a straight guy but recently I was struck by something and cannot stop thinking about my sexuality even for a second. It bothers me so much but I can do nothing about it. First, I'm not totally sure about it. I can say that I'm definitely not straight, but I never really made out with anyone. Before coming out, I think it's important to be sure who I am. I don't want to hurt anyone though. I don't want to date a girl and tell her I'm gay when we are about to make love. For guys, I'm even unable to identify a gay on my own. I'm afraid that I would run into a straight guy and then everyone would know my sexuality before I'm prepared to come out. Second, I'm from a traditional Asian family. Even now I'm in America, the connection between me and my family is so strong. I don't think they can understand what it means to be gay and will definitely be mad on me if I abruptly come out. At the same time, I love my parents and I don't want to lose them. Thinking of this makes me feel guilty. But what can I choose? Recently they frequently asked me about dating and marrying a girl. I cannot hide too long as I'm already 24 year old now. I don't want to hide myself any more. This sucks so much and I also feel so lonely. Thinking of living alone forever also makes me desperate. Can anyone give me any suggestion? I would appreciate any help.
Take a deap breath and relax. You are among friends here. Your story is quite similar to mine. Uncertainty is totally normal. Take your time to explore your feelings and introspect. You do not need to come out until YOU are completely ready and feel safe to do so. I recommend talking to a close and trusted friend. I can say from experience that it helps immensely to share the burden with someone. Additionally, don't worry about your age, there's no rush. People spcome out at all ages and stages of life. I wish you the best. I know exactly what your going through because I went through it. Message me if you want any more help.
Thank you so much for replying! I'm also glad I can trust people here, talking about anything I'm confused with. The most difficult part now is to meet someone in this small town who I can trust to talk with, especially as a foreigner. The bright side is that compared to those in my country, people here are obviously more tolerant and kind to LGBTs.
To give more details, I've been thinking about this issue for two months continuously. I first cried for not being straight when I was a freshman in college. Then I tried to hide and pretended to forget about this for the next six years. But the sexual urges just never stopped. Now I think I'm strong enough to face this. The problem is I'm now working in Madison, this small town in a foreign country where I don't know how to get to know people, especially gay people here. Gay bar? I never went there, and always think people go there merely for sex. But if this is a false impression, I might want to give it a try. The awkward situation now is that I have no way to really test my own sexuality. I don't think I can just wait then someone would just come and save me. I also don't want to tell my current friends around me, who are my colleagues in company and are absolutely straight and even have some prejudice on gay people. I want to struggle for it, but just need a way. And for gay people, I guess it's difficult to meet each other, so seeking for love is definitely a big problem later.
