Can I first say that having a resource such as EC has been the difference going slowly mad or being able to slog through the last several months. In November, it will have been one year since I came out to my wife of twenty-plus years. I will never forget knowing what it felt like to finally know that "tonight's the night". Is there anything else that feels simultaneously exciting, calming AND horrifying? In the next twelve months, I have had a few counseling sessions and have been busy learning more about me than I thought I ever would. I suppose I knew it already...but this stupid lie has fed everything I've hated about myself for so many years. As for my personal circle of family and friends, I'm still only out to my wife. My two kids of 16 and 11 knowing nothing of it yet. My wife and I have only discussed my sexuality one other time after I came out and don't speak of it. Our sex life was and still is non-existent. I'm fairly confident that this is what she expects from me moving forward. With that said, I have indeed tried to keep my sexuality (libido and all) locked up as my job keeps me busy enough to pour all of my free time and frustrations there. With that said, in an effort to keep myself informed by more than the voices in my head, I have reached out to a few people online and locally to see if they can help guide me toward whatever's next with advice and such. I've shared more of my personal self with strangers than I ever have with myself and it's been incredibly helpful. In that process, along came this incredibly beautiful guy who has lived this same story. His friendship has been invaluable but it's his presence at this point in my life has been the difference between becoming entirely lost and staying true to who I've been and who I am now. And then, he became more than that. Recently, he has became yet another secret I was keeping to prevent unnecessary drama. Last night, the stupidity of that decision became crystal clear. After a great night out with my wife and daughter, we came home. He began texting a couple of sweet nothings to me which ended up on my tablet in the living room. I suppose the curiosity got the best of my wife who picked up the tablet and began reading them as they arrived. In her mind (and rightfully so), this is, at the very least, an emotional affair...which is just as bad if not worse then a physical one. So, here I go again. As it says in the title above, what now? Any advice from those here much smarter than I is appreciated. :help:
