I am finally starting to accept myself and who I am and that I am gay but... I have a a girlfriend and kids. It's so hard right now because I feel I want to tell my partner but at the same time I don't want to because it will mean losing her and I know I will miss her dearly just thinking about not having her in my life is killing me but I can't help my attraction to guys. Anyone been in the same situation?
That's tough dude. Honestly I don't know what to tell you. I've heard of gay people being in straight marriages/relationships... Sometimes it lasts, sometimes it doesn't. And it's confusing, because you might need your girlfriend, and your kids, but at the same time, you might need something that she can't give you. Does she suspect that you're gay? Remember that there is still love. Whether that's love as a sister or as a girlfriend. There are also stories of siblings who live together occasionally, or families that stay together, or roommates. You might be able to stay together as friends. That's all I have for you.
Yep sure is. I'm feeling like I'm stuck between a rock and hard place. Nah not that I know of I haven't really given her any reason to think I was gay, I definitely don't act it. I did think that maybe I was bi but if my partner and I broke up. I wouldn't want to date another a girl or be in a relationship with one.
Jimm, There is a massive amount of discussion on your exact situation on the Later in Life section. you may want to repost there, you will get a lot of feedback. I will pose this question for you, and it might be completely off base, are you more scared of losing her or more scared of the unknown after coming out to her? Something to consider.
Okay, thanks for that, will check it out. Im leaning more towards losing her but I guess a bit of both. I asked her the other day if we ever broke up, could we still be friends and she said no. It's terrifying knowing I could lose her.
Well, of course she would say no if posed with such a question; she would want you to be afraid of such a situation. When I decided to come out to myself and tell my spouse, I was more afraid of the unknown and the risk of being alone. Hence my question. The decision you are going through is akin to ripping a bandaid off a wound, it will be painful at first, but then the pain subsides and underneath is a healed wound. (hope thats not too simplistic)
From what you've written, it's not entirely clear if you are bisexual or gay. I'm wondering why you feel the potential of great loss if you break up with your GF? Do you have an emotional connection with her but a desire to be physical with guys? If you do identify as gay, then as painful and uncertain as coming out might be, that's probably the right course for you. At least it was for me. Have you thought about the children? You may want to consult with a lawyer to understand the child custody issues if you were to come out to your GF.
